Why over-the-knee boots should be banished in 2015
This vile fashion fad should not be carried into the New Year. Please, in the spirit of public decency, can we ban thigh-high boots and bare legs?
The great cultural eiderdown that is Yule is no more, and I must break it to you that - while the rest of us have been lobbing screwed-up Quality Street wrappers at the dog - something ghastly has been afoot on Planet Fashion.
For, lo, the boots-and-bare legs look has become clammily au courant among Kendall Jenner, Olivia Palermo, Ariana Grande and their glossy, long-limbed ilk.
Whether on the knee, or racily above it, boots must now be teamed with exposed flesh, rather than the more sensible stocking, legging or jegging. The only covering the fashion conscious are permitted is a slick of fake tan, sales of which are experiencing an uncommon winter flurry. Meanwhile, the gap between footwear and mini-skirt is expected to be as long as it is lustrous.
This is a moneyed, leisured, fundamentally chauffeured look, demanding a cab-to-controlled climate lifestyle ill-befitting staggers to public transport, or the gale currently blasting round my refuge. It is a natural extension of the New York fashionista's eschewing of any sort of leg covering - be she the fictional Carrie Bradshaw, or the all-too real Anna "nuclear" Wintour - come wind, rain, snow or Hurricane Sandy.
It is also supposed to be alluring: after all, one might not be sporting knickers, and one might keep one's boots on for a spot of jiggery pokery; the prospect of which sends many chaps into a state of collapse.
In fact, what it says to the majority of us is the not-so winning combination that is sweaty feet and chilblains.
Few mere morals above the age of 17 will want to attempt the flesh-squidged-between-boot-and-skirt pelmet effect; indeed, not many 16-year-olds could pull it off. Even those whose legs are as coltish as they are gleaming may rightly feel that this is too tawdry a guise.
Kate Moss has long been a fan, which should tell you everything you need to know about this demi-vogue.
Besides, doesn't it look rather - well - witless? It's freezing, ergo I will leave a large part of my body entirely exposed, while giving a vague high-five to practicality with an odiferous boot?
Please, in a spirit of public decency, could we beg 2015's fashion mavens to renounce this affectation, banishing it from our glacial, North European shores? Let the last goose flesh we have endured be that on our Yuletide platters.