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'I felt totally ostracised and abandoned' - Woman 'frozen' out of hen party asks if she's being unreasonable by not attending wedding

Woman took to Internet to ask if she should 'admit defeat' and not go to either the hen or the wedding


Photo by Andre Hunter

Photo by Andre Hunter

Photo by Andre Hunter

Weddings are, on the face of it, joyous occasions, full of love, laughter and of course that all-important happily every after.

However they can also bring with them a myriad of etiquette rules, missed deadlines, financial strains and more mishaps that can make or break friendships with childhood pals, close friends, extended family members, work colleagues and well-wishers alike if not handled correctly.

Which is exactly what has happened to one woman who, having felt that she had been 'frozen out' of her work colleague's hen party plans, is now debating whether or not to bow out of the wedding proceeding all together and furthermore, dissolve her relationship with the bride while she's at it.

The woman, who goes by the name 'dizzyfairy' on online forum Mumsnet, said that she had been left feeling 'ostracised and abandoned' when she felt her colleagues turned on her after she was made redundant from work.

The woman said she lost her job after she was 'sold out' by a fellow colleague who, together with another work colleague, abandoned her by ignoring her texts, deleting her from their social media and leaving her by herself in their shared Whatsapp group.

The colleague and the bride-to-be (also a colleague) then appeared to become close, after which the woman said the bride seemed to not want her to attend her hen party.

"I called and text (the bride) as usual until I realised she hadn't initiated contact with me for over six months, it was always me calling her," the woman said.

"Two weeks ago she text to say hi and said I had been very quiet and was I still going to wedding/hen do.

"Initially she said I could stay at hers for the hen do, then retracted it unless I bought an air mattress to sleep on the floor due to volume of others staying - or she said I might be better booking a hotel."

After booking a hotel room, buying a dress, arranging childcare and buying a gift for the bride the woman said she then discovered she had not been booked a place at the hen party.

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"She said the activity was already booked and wouldn't answer when I asked if she could ask if they squeezed me in- activity could involve one participant or 100 participants-really doesn't matter. Plus friend B (colleague the woman claimed 'sold her out' leading to her losing her job) is now suddenly invited to wedding and hen."

The bride told the woman the money for the hen activity had to be paid the week previous, however the woman said she would need to wait until payday to cover the cost of the event.

"Eventually she sent me the contact details to call and ask myself but only after I practically begged."

The woman ended her story by asking if she should now attend the wedding.

"She doesn't want me there does she?" she asked.

"Ghost her or confront her"

"Why on earth would you want to go after this? What an appalling way to treat someone," said one user, who advised her not to attend either occasions.

"I'd go on the hen do and to the wedding and tell everybody loudly that I was suing my old workplace," suggested another, "I would make sure that she was sh****** herself about her job and couldn't relax and enjoy herself for a second. And if it wrecks 'friend' A's day - son much the better, she sounds incredibly two faced."

"You have two options. Ghost her or confront her," advised 'andbabymakesthree'.

"There is no friendship to save, ultimately if the bride really wanted you there she would make more of an effort. She has chosen friend B and that is very apparent from her actions.," said DrGrey.

However others saw the situation a different way, suggesting it was as simple as the woman not paying on time, and losing her place on the hen as a result.

"She was late paying," said one user. "She might still have been able to go if she'd made a phonecall herself yet for some reason some people seem determined to feed into the OPs ball of anxiety and agree this must be a big conspiracy against her when actually it's probably just a bit of cross wires and the result of her (messing) up, slightly and mildly annoying her friend."

"In reality there is absolutely zero to suggest that any of this has the slightest bit to do with B but we do know that OP did not pay on time."

Another user pointed out what she saw as a simple misunderstanding. "You'd said you wanted to go but couldn't pay until later, then missed the deadline. Did you ask your friend to sub you until payday, and let her know when this would be? You claim you booked a triple bed room as some sort of peace offering to friend b, did you tell anyone?

"I'm sorry, but you (and a lot of people on here) seem to be making a lot of assumptions into friends perceived behavior which to be honest, there seems NO evidence of."

Others saw it as a failed friendship.

"It would appear that the bride has made her loyalties clear and the OP does not want to see this as she is 'over the moon for her' and 'really values her friendship'. Also if I really wanted someone to come to my hen do, I would just remind them they need to pay, not flounce and book without them."

"These are NOT your friends - just people you worked with. A is not your best friend. You didn't speak for over since months at one time then she had to contact YOU to ask if you were still coming. Why have you bought outfits, gifts and room bookings BUT can't afford the hen deposit?? You knew it was coming up."

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