While celebrities appear to be losing their minds - special shout out to January Jones's 'human stew' bath, which included an entire box of salt and baking soda - there is the exception that proves the rule: Vogue Williams, who has thrived in every situation life has thrown at her.
Out of a marriage with Brian McFadden, an ordeal that would have ruined a lesser woman, emerged a Vogue only more determined.
Out of objectively the biggest scoundrel on reality television, Spencer Matthews, she chiselled a devoted husband, hands-on father and comedic foil.
In quarantine, Vogue seems to be in her element. There she is eating an ice-lol in the bath. Here she is having a laugh with her toddler, there with her dog.
At the beginning of Storm Corona, Vogue announced her second pregnancy. It seemed some kind of divine rebalancing: there may be a global health crisis but at least we'll see Vogue pack a hospital bag in great detail again. Maybe even in more detail, with all the free time.
While the virus leaves hundreds of thousands unemployed, Vogue has (at five months pregnant) landed a gig as breakfast host at Heart radio.
Truly, no hurdle too big for our queen. A quarant-icon.
Britney Spears has called for a general strike and the redistribution of wealth. Much to the delight of lefty snowflakes who grew up to the sound of Hit Me Baby One More Time, Comrade Britney shared a graphic by writer Mimi Zhu, which included the line, "We will feed each other, re-destribute [sic] wealth, strike."
Her caption was, "Communion moves beyond walls" with three red rose emojis - a symbol associated with the socialist cause online.
Britney's Instagram has been a corona-trove of content, from the sublime to the ridiculous, but mostly sublimely ridiculous: there was a screenshot of five seconds on an iPhone timer and a caption that referred to her '100-metre dash' - a time that would have shaved four seconds off Usain Bolt's world record.
It's indicative of Britney's stature in contemporary culture that the comment section and the internet at large do not seek to eviscerate or humiliate: Britney discourse is always gentle, funny and very kind. It's just the tonic.
Since St Patrick's Day, Madonna has been documenting her quarantine with a series of videos in character as Madame X, her latest alter-ego.
What separates Madonna's corona-content from the rest is the sheer amount of effort. Lesser celebrities simply turn on their camera to record themselves making dinner (Florence Pugh) or burning incense while playing a wooden flute (Lizzo).
Madonna delivered a soliloquy from a bathtub of opaque water and rose petals characterising coronavirus as "the great equaliser."
"It doesn't care how rich you are, how famous you are, how funny you are, how smart you are, where you live, how old you are, what amazing stories you tell… what's terrible is it's made us all equal in many ways and what's wonderful about it is it's made us all equal in many ways," she said in the video, since deleted.
The problem was it was completely untrue. Celebrities appear to have access to testing that plebs do not. Britney knows.
It started with a leaked video: Kim Kardashian's sex tape, the genesis of every Kardashians entire career. And now, it is said, it will end with a leaked video: Taylor Swift's actual conversation with Kim's husband Kanye West in 2016 when he rang to ask her permission to talk about her in a song. The track Famous featured the lyrics, "I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous."
He countered the outrage saying he'd talked to Taylor and she'd "thought it was funny and gave her blessings".
Representatives for Taylor insist she "cautioned him about releasing a song with such a strong misogynistic message" and had not been told about being called "that bitch".
The video featured a nude waxwork of Taylor in bed next to Kanye, which felt a bit like revenge porn.
Kim then leaked a recording of Kanye's phonemail with Taylor, which had her respond positively to a sex lyric.
This was all we needed to brand Taylor a snake. Her social media was flooded with snake emojis and she disappeared from the public eye until she dropped her single Look What You Made Me Do, thus beginning her Reputation era, which saw a world tour alongside a giant inflatable cobra.
Now, amid the global pandemic, Taylor has been vindicated. The full recording of that old phone call has been leaked and proves Taylor never lied: Kanye didn't get her blessing, Taylor never consented to being called 'that bitch'.
Now the question remains: who leaked it? There were rumours it was Kris Jenner, or even Kim, looking to take back column inches from Covid-19.
In fairness, it did seem to coincide nicely with publicity for the new series of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Kim continued to insist, against all reason, they were in the right. It's hard to tell whether the host of Kim stories since the leak have been building on its success or trying to bury it.
We found out, for example, that plans for Kanye's new 4,000-acre Wyoming ranch include a urine garden to convert human waste into plant food. It is not surprising to learn they believe their s*** too important to flush.
Kanye also said the shower will feature a 'hydrogen pulse detonation pump'. It's unclear whether this is real or just words that occurred to him in the moment.
Kim appealed for ideas to keep her children entertained after we had a tour of her playroom that is larger than most people's homes.
Kim, who is turning 40, physically fights with sister Kourtney in an advert for their show. What was that you were saying about Taylor Swift again?
I know, I know: when a friend breaks up with her awful boyfriend you have to wait at least a week or two before you say, "Thank God, he really was an awful d**khead," in case they get back together and then you can never take it back and they get married and the knowledge that you think he's the worst sits between you and your friend for the rest of time, silent and terrible.