There's only been one thing on everyone's mind for the last week, throwing everyone together into an emotional soup of sorrow and dread: Princess Beatrice's wedding.
She has been forced to cancel her wedding reception at Buckingham Palace for her May 29 nuptials, and it seems likely that her wedding will be limited to just five people (the celebrant, the couple, and two witnesses) in line with the Church of England's advice.
In these uncertain times, we are all asking ourselves the same question: when will Princess Beatrice catch a break?
When sister Eugenie married Jack Brooksbank in 2018, the world was a very different place: Harry and Meghan were choosing a couch for Frogmore, Prince Andrew was just another problematic but benign boomer, and proles could roam the street as they pleased waving Union Jacks and forming cheering crowds.
But Covid-19 isn't the first inauspicious event to blight young Beatrice's journey to the altar.
After first suffering the indignity of having her (so publicly) younger sister marry (so publicly) first, her eventual engagement announcement was marred by gossip about the circumstances under which their relationship developed - her fiance was previously married, and he has a toddler son.
But we were all, naturally, thrilled: Beatrice, eldest daughter and emotional support to Fergie, had earned it. And then her father Prince Andrew became embroiled in the darkest celebrity story of the decade, and gave that seminal Newsnight interview.
Gone was Beatrice's modest hope of her husband and family smiling and waving on the steps of the church on her wedding day. No one wants to be reminded again that Prince Andrew exists.
Unfortunately for Princess Beatrice, her mere existence is a reminder. And she knows it. Poor old Beatrice.
Apart from weddings, millennials' biggest problem right now is content. We have much more time, to be sure, but we also have more content. Too much content. More content in a day than anyone could consume in a lifetime: blogs and videos and memes - God, so many memes - and an exponential growth in podcasts, quarantine-casts, corona-casts. Content is on an exponential curve and we are drowning in it.
But the bad content won't get lost - as Gal Godot (more commonly known as Wonder Woman) found out to her significant detriment last week, when her naively well-intentioned home video went viral for all the wrong reasons. Gal, bare-faced and radiant, on day six of self-isolation, muses to the selfie-camera, ''these past few days got me thinking a bit philosophical''.
She had seen a video of an Italian trumpeter playing John Lennon's Imagine on his balcony, to raise his neighbours' morale - these beacons of hope and solidarity against Italy's backdrop of grief, terror and loss of livelihoods were eminently shareable and struck a chord worldwide. Gal Godot thought the concept ''powerful'' but appeared to believe it could be improved by replacing said poignant Italians with cocooned and quarantined multi-millionaire celebrities. From Chris O'Dowd to Jamie Dornan to Natalie Portman to Will Ferrell and Sarah Silverman and Zoe Kravitz, a host of A-listers mortified themselves by sincerely singing a line of the song each, from their (literal or figurative) mansions: imagine no possessions, they implored us. Cara Delevingne, Ashley Benson, and Kaia Gerber's clip appeared to have gotten lost on the way to TikTok.
Godot notes, brown eyes made of compassion, that ''it doesn't matter who you are, or where you're from: we're all in this together'', implicitly admitting that this celebrity call to arms is different: because they are at risk too. Not real risk, mind, with their private testing and access to healthcare, and money that means they won't starve or lose the roof over their head, but definitely, technically at risk. This realisation seemed to have been, to our host of Hollywood stars, profoundly moving.
The video was the source of much hilarity for a bored and fractious internet. This is surely the beginning of more humiliating content from celebrities and non-celebrities alike, as all sense of social norms and grace goes out the window with isolation, and perspective becomes dangerously loose. Stay safe, millennials: you'll be tempted to put a lot of things on the internet in the coming weeks. I'm begging you, for my sake and yours: think twice.
Focus instead on training your boomer parents on internet-literacy, and verifying sources, and not helping to spread untruthful medical advice and conspiracy theories over WhatsApp. We have our work cut out for us: these boomers are like herding cats.
But it turns out that in the time of corona, with Hollywood on hold, there are still myriad ways for celebrities to self-implode. Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame took the opposite (and somehow less offensive) route to the disturbing compassion of Gal and her pals. "Umm, yeah, 'til July sounds like a bunch of bulls**t," she said in response to a potential timeline for being quarantined. "I'm sorry, but like, it's a virus, I get it, like, I respect it, but at the same time I'm like, even if everybody gets it, like yeah, people are going to die, which is terrible but like, inevitable?"
Her hair looks amazing, her valley girl vocal fry makes the actual words that are coming out of her mouth even more surreal: she sounds like she should be saying, ''So a lot of you have asked me about my skincare routine,'' not ''Maybe we should just let people, like, die??''
Hudgens has the air of someone who's so beautiful that she's never had to think very deeply, or answer for herself. The backlash was huge and she has since apologised - but it was no harm for the whole thing to play out anyway. Hudgens is far from the only person to think that death is inevitable and lockdown boring - she was just the most famous.