Kylie Minogue is not unlucky in love - she has just dodged a bullet
Unlucky in love? No chance - she has just dodged a bullet and can now return to a wonderful single life
Poor Kylie Minogue. Just two weeks ago, she announced she would take her fiance Joshua Sasse's name on marriage, and presumably spent every day since practising her new autograph to master just the right Liberace-like flourish.
And now, here she is, single again - again! The 48-year-old confirmed - where else but on Instagram, the social network that has rapidly replaced traditional press releases or the two-page Hello! spread as the favoured PR for the A-list - that she and the British actor had abruptly ended their engagement.
"Thank you now for your love and understanding with the news that Josh and I have decided to go our separate ways. We wish only the best for each other as we venture towards new horizons," she wrote, alongside a poignant shot of the sun rising through the clouds.
"Insiders" immediately divulged how "heartbroken" and "devastated" Kylie was to have lost 'The One'. And perhaps she is sobbing her way through a mountain of Tim Tams, ruing the day she sang, "I should be so lucky in love", those ruddy lyrics that have dutifully fed the headlines for years - or…wait… isn't this the same Kylie who has nimbly worked her way through some of the most desirable men on the planet?
If you could take your pick between a lifetime married to Jason Donovan, stuck listening to him moan on about hair plugs while trying to avoid the paps as you shuttle the kids to school with no make-up and bedraggled hair - or romancing a bevy of male models, actors and musicians well into your 40s, which would it be?
All the same, Kylie seems destined to fill the role once occupied by the world's saddest single lady: Jennifer Aniston. Poor Kylie! Never married! No children! Doomed to live out her days as a tragic, old maid. Will she ever find love?
Granted, she hasn't done herself any favours by gushing about her relationships in the press and hinting in a Desert Island Discs interview that it would be "incredible" to start a family - but let's not make Kylie the poster woman for lonely spinsterhood.
Look at her boyfriends. Since Donovan and his floppy blond locks, she has dated Michael Hutchence (those dishevelled curls!), French actor Olivier Martinez (that smouldering gaze!), Spanish model Andres Velencoso (the chiselled abs!), and Lenny Kravitz (we all remember that wardrobe malfunction…), to name a few.
Meanwhile, 42-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio is hooking up with 24-year-old Nina Agdal - marking his 10th Victoria's Secret model to date - and has managed to evade our collective pity and bellows of "tick-tock!". What's more, while Kylie's relationships are met with headlines screaming "toy boy" and "cougar", the likes of Mick Jagger, a 73-year-old great-grandfather who has just welcomed his eighth child with 29-year-old ballet dancer Melanie Hamrick, get off scot-free.
Rumour has it that Sasse was getting too close to his 34-year-old co-star Marta Milans while filming in Canada. Sensible woman that she is, Kylie was having none of it, and promptly tossed the tosser out of her West London home. He is now reportedly back living with his parents.
So "poor Kylie", the glamorous, multimillionaire pop queen with a still-stellar career (earlier this week she signed a new recording deal and is set to release her next album this year) and one of the hottest bodies in showbiz, refuses to settle.
Instead, she is free to return to the fabulous single life, accompanied by a string of hunky lovers - and without the ball and chain. She knows when to call it a day, and it looks like she's dodged a bullet (and that ghastly overgrown beard). On to the next one.