I'm at that time in my cycle where I'm obsessive and unsettled, it's difficult to concentrate and there's only one thing on my mind: fringes.
I have reason to believe that a woman's 'Do I Want a Fringe?' cycle is actually aligned with the 584-day cycle of Venus.
It's the planet named for a goddess of beauty, a personification of femininity - and hair has been the most enduring symbol of a women's beauty throughout history. And 584 days is almost precisely the length of time it takes to have a fringe cut, grow it out, ask your friends and family to never let you get a fringe again, forget about that, and begin to think about maybe getting a fringe.
Five hundred and eighty-four days is also the length of time between me seeing a picture of Alexa Chung, ruminating on fringes for several weeks, canvassing opinions, being told unanimously 'no' and eventually leaving it be. Until I forget, and see a picture of Alexa Chung again.
In the listless carpe diem ennui of quarantine, women everywhere are hearing the siren call of the fringe and eyeing up the good kitchen scissors. A fringe says, 'new hair, new me!', 'I just need to feel something', and 'help'.
From the comfort of quarantine, we can finally follow our fringey fantasies, without inadvertently signalling to strange men that we're the kind of girls who could change their humdrum life by introducing them to cupcakes and ukuleles.
Like all Irish women born before 1992, I had a fringe. Obviously it was terrible, and went on until I was far too old. I don't think I realised that I didn't have to have a fringe. I thought it was like eye colour, or patience: you just got what you got. It never occurred to me that my mother had deliberately chosen that fluffy bowlish life for me.
But I can't help feeling it would be different now, and it would different to 2005's regrettable side fringe. I'm different now. Maybe this fringe, this time, will finally reveal me. It won't be like all the other fringes. This fringe could change my life.
This year, astronomers reported evidence suggesting that Venus is currently volcanically active. I'll say no more.
It all started so well - our very own fresh-baked sourdough daily; the taste of lockdown. Then it turned into the bit in 'Gremlins' where they multiply madly. Too much, too needy - like a baby or a puppy, demanding to be fed, complaining about temperature... We want out.
Sunday Indo Life Magazine
It's been the biggest week for Irish millennials since Samantha Mumba got to number one, with the entire series of Normal People dropping to universal acclaim - and never has there been so much visibility for our kind, so much dialogue and patience.