What happened when I was ghosted - the next day, he offered to get me coffee and never returned
Know this fellow single folk: if someone you have been on a date with sends you a Whatsapp message with the coffin emoji in it, it's probably an omen.
Not that you are going to die, but that that person probably won't care if you do.
I received one very such message a few days after going on a date with a very handsome and hairy man, freshly picked off the internet. Our date was, unless I am actually from Mars and have completely misinterpreted humans, really good fun.
We talked and laughed and drank loads. Then he came back to my new flat where we kissed and more than kissed. The next day, he offered to go get me a coffee and never returned.
A few days later he texted me saying he was very hungover and went home to lie down, and didn't get up for a full day. Our date had been the culmination of a few very hard, boozy nights he explained (employing the aforementioned coffin emoji), but he liked me, he said, and wanted to hang out again.
Next time let's do something that involves less alcohol I suggest, because the only way to get someone to like you is to pretend you are different in the beginning. He agreed, because he's a liar too. When I got in touch again to make a plan, he never replied. I drunk texted him at 2am one morning ('Sup?) - still nothing.
Then a final, sad little message, because I am a sad little person. 'Hello', I write, 'are you alive? Did your thumbs fall off?' and then press send before realising he'd be more likely to reply to that if he really was dead or thumbless.
I'm recounting this pathetic tale at a party when a tall, hot, even hairier Cypriot man hears me, takes pity and offers to take me for drinks the following week.
Sounds promising! [insert coffin emoji here].