Thursday 19 April 2018

Un-ghosting your ex: What happens when the person who ignored you runs out of other options

Kashmira Gander

After ghosting, mooning and breadcrumbing, modern dating has taken a new twist: unghosting.

It is a term used to describe a person who has been ghosted - where a person ignores all contact to discourteously cut someone off – only to be hit up again by the culprit in hope of rekindling the flame.

The phrase was used by writer Gabrille Pedriani in a piece for Thrillist, and has also gained traction on social media.

She described the moment someone she had met up with once four months earlier texted her out of the blue.

He asked her “On a scale from 1-10” what the “rejection level” would be if he tried to say “what’s up.”

When she asked why he had texted her again, he simply responded: “Older = fewer options = more thoughts of the past.”

Pedriani went on to argue that ghosting has been normalised in dating, and “unghosting” is following suit. As people get older and the fear of “dying alone” kicks in, they may regret opting to explore the seemingly “limitless options” of dating rather than giving it a shot with one person that they experienced some feelings towards.

Twitter users have also adopted the term to describe their confusing when dating.

The phrase has emerged following a 2012 study which identified seven break-up methods. It found that ghosting - identified as withdrawal and avoidance - is the least ideal way to end a relationship.

Writing for The Independent, Relate counsellor Clare Prendergast suggested those who have been ghosted can cope by deleting the person’s

“Being dumped unceremoniously with no explanation taps into our deepest fears of abandonment," she wrote. "That’s why it’s so hard to come to terms with.

However there’s a compensation to being ghosted - when someone has suddenly gone from your life it is easier to get over them because you don’t see them and can’t be constantly reminded they still exist.”

Independent News Service

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