Tuesday 17 September 2019

Six ways to give your sex life an autumn reboot

'For women especially, routine sex can lead to routine boredom. Think about changing speed, technique, positioning, and atmosphere changes such as scent or music instead'
'For women especially, routine sex can lead to routine boredom. Think about changing speed, technique, positioning, and atmosphere changes such as scent or music instead'

Lisa Williams

With the holidays having disappeared quicker than your sun tan, it's tempting to hunker down for sofa time and snoozes now that the autumn chill is setting in. But if you'd like to take some of that summer loving with you into winter, it's time to reboot your sex life and reap the health rewards as a result. Here's how…

1. Doctor that dysfunction

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A good sex life might begin with a trip to the GP. Whether you're post-menopausal and want to discuss testosterone treatment (which, apparently, can boost a woman's flagging sex drive), are experiencing erectile dysfunction, pain during sex or pelvic floor issues after having a baby, it's worth getting professional help, rather than thinking it's a sign that the raciest chapter of your life has come to an end.

2. Do a bedroom audit

Like any bit of project management work, look at what you like about your current sex life and what you don't. Are you busy and sleep-deprived and enjoying the quickies more than the 'event' sex? Do you crave more affection? Have you pretended to like a certain position when actually you find it crashingly dull? All these niggles are small and easy to fix, and if you bring them up with a view to improving things, you'll probably find your partner is relieved about your proactive approach.

3. Speak up

Talking of talking, most Irish people find sex chat absolutely excruciating. If you're one of them, pick a moment to talk which doesn't involve eye contact, such as lying in bed or during a long walk or car journey, and frame any feedback or suggestions within positives, eg: "Our sex life is getting better and better, I love how you do X, but I'm no so into when you…"

4. Small changes, big difference

Variety is the spice of life, but who do you think I am - some kind of Ann Summers rep? Mixing things up doesn't need to be about silly outfits and embarrassing roleplay, but for women especially, routine sex can lead to routine boredom. Think about changing speed, technique, positioning, and atmosphere changes such as scent or music instead.

5. Redefine the deed

While you're rebooting your sex life, it might help to redefine what sex is to you. Does it always need to be the full shebang, or can you vary it? Your days of all-nighters may be over, but how about having sex before you go out for dinner, or when you get back from work? Ticking sex off the list before you crash out makes sofa time even more relaxing.

6. Desire and technology

Is modern life rubbish or does it have your best interests at heart? New technology can revamp your inner vamp, if you're brave enough. Invest in some new bedroom kit, such as the Elvie (a gamefied pelvic floor trainer), to Emma Watson-approved pleasure-technique instructor OMGYes and the new generation of design-led sex toys which wouldn't look out of place on an art-lover's mantelpiece. And if you find free, mainstream porn a bit depressing and problematic, look at classy alternatives such as Cindy Gallop's Make Love Not Porn or sexy story app Dipsea instead.

Lisa is co-author of More Orgasms Please by The Hotbed Collective

Irish Independent

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