Tuesday 24 October 2017



  • Not having to endure the temporary insanity that afflicts every woman in the build-up to, and on the day of, their wedding.
  • Not having to decipher women's use of the words 'fine' and 'nothing'.
  • Not having to go to Woodies/Atlantic Homecare/B&Q.
  • Indulging sloth.
  • No doilies, candles, bed cushions or throws.
  • Not having to explain unsanctioned withdrawals from joint bank accounts.
  • A relatively full head of hair with only a smattering of grey.
  • The ability to eat microwaved dinners on your lap in front of, and in control of, the television.


  • A lack of clean clothes.
  • Having to organise and pay your own bills.
  • Not being able to exercise the family tradition of inflicting the middle name of St John (pronounced 'sinjun') on your eldest son -- a tradition in danger of dying out unless your marital status changes.
  • Patronising advice.
  • Pitying looks.
  • The increasing fear of being discovered dead on your couch, clad in nothing but tracksuit bottoms, with a microwaved chicken balti on your lap and the TV showing The Hills.

Irish Independent

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