Tuesday 12 December 2017

Relationship psychologist reveals the most important quality to look for in a partner

Victoria Beckham says her marriage to David is strong
Victoria Beckham says her marriage to David is strong

Sasha Brady

Could this be the key to long-lasting relationships?

You may think that if you and your partner are a match made in heaven if you share the same hobbies, like the same music and both turn your nose up at the taste of coriander but this may not be enough.

According to Dr Peter Pearson, couples psychologist and founder of the Couples Institute California, common interests aren't enough for a long-lasting relationship.

Having similar interests to your partner, though it can be helpful, is not as important as having similar core values because hobbies, interests and activities can be negotiated in a way that your fundamental core values cannot.

"You can negotiate your interests," Dr Pearson said to Tech Insider, "but not your values."

For example, you can compromise on things like going out clubbing or staying in for a Netflix marathon but if you crave risks and your partner needs stability or if your ambition in life is to get rich and your partner doesn't care less about money, you could encounter problems.

Dr Peterson recalled a couple he was working with who ultimately had very different core values.

"He was building this huge house that overlooked a big vista," he said, "and she did not want to waste money on this ostentatious, wasteful shlock. She had so much disdain for his life dream of this house.”

Core values are much more difficult to compromise on than anything else, and so Dr Pearson claims that the most important thing to look for in a potential partner is their holding the same values as you.

If your partner’s core values conflict with yours, Dr Pearson thinks you might need to face up to the idea that you aren’t meant to be. 

"It ain't gonna work," he said. "Everything small will grow into huge proportions."

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