Learn to let love in - one woman's formula for success
Katie Byrne meets a woman who has found a formula for love
There are tried and tested ways to meet someone. Some frequent more bars and nightclubs. Some give internet dating a go. Others wait patiently for fate to conspire on their behalf... before deciding that 'all the good ones are taken' when it doesn't.
Yet very few make the changes that need to happen a little closer to home, and fewer still realise that you can only find the perfect partner when you are living your most vibrant, fulfilled life.
The old adage 'it'll happen when you least expect it' simply means that those that are truly content aren't desperately seeking a relationship, or searching for another half to complete them.
This is one of the many points I discussed with Patricia Lohan, aka The Love Alchemist. Patricia heads up a seven-week online course for women called The Soulmate Attraction Formula.
"The course empowers women to become emotionally clear to raise their vibrations and attract the kind of man they deserve," she explains. "It will also teach them how to make the mindset changes they need in order to realise what they want."
The aspect that particularly intrigued me about Patricia's course was the notion that you can only find love when you make space emotionally and physically.
Before we proceed, Patricia talks a lot about 'manifesting' and 'asking the universe', two phrases that have recently become common parlance in the New Age language.
They are also two phrases that are inclined to lose a lot of people, in particular men and hardened cynics.
So let's agree to use the well-established psychological word for this phenomenon: priming.
In short, priming is how the sights, smells and sounds in our direct environment affect our subconscious mind.
Countless studies have proven the effectiveness of priming. In one such study a group of volunteers were given the same sedative, only one group were given a blue pill, the other were given an orange one. Those that took the blue pill fell asleep, on average, 30 minutes faster than those that took the orange pill. Why? Because we associate blue with sleep, and therefore perceive blue pills to be more effective.
Elsewhere, it is through the execution of priming that British illusionist Derren Brown makes a living.
So when Patricia talks about making space, she is suggesting that we prime our environments to tell our subconscious minds that we are ready for a relationship.
She learnt this one the hard way. Patricia was once a textbook over-achiever. She worked 17-hour days "teaching yoga, running a festival, marathon-training, practicing in a band and volunteering for a charity".
"I wondered why I wasn't meeting anyone and ignored the fact I was keeping busy because I was single, and scared of that," she explains.
There was simply no space in Patricia's life for a romantic partner, so she decided to prime her subconscious mind with the message that she was at last ready to let love in.
Radical lifestyle changes ensued: "I gave up the band and created a date night instead. I thought, 'okay, I mightn't have someone to go on a date with but I'm going to go by myself.'"
She imagined the types of dates she'd like to go on and visited art galleries and exhibitions rather than bars and nightclubs - places she'd happily visit with or without a partner.
She realised that the likelihood of meeting somebody you click with increases when you engage in likeminded pursuits.
She also began to feng shui her home. For the uninitiated, feng shui is the rearrangement of a living space to promote harmony and encourage favourable outcomes.
"I made a space in my bedroom for him. I even went out and bought spare hangers - pink ones for me and black ones for him."
Patricia went on to become a feng shui consultant and single women make up the majority of her client base.
"I'd walk into homes and there'd be 18 or so single hanging hearts around the house. It was literally like walking into a Lonely Hearts Club."
Some homes were cluttered and lacking in space: "I asked these women, 'where would a partner even put their toothbrush?'
"I did one woman's house and she had 250 spiritual books at the end of her bed. She was married to spirituality!"
Some of the women still had jewellery from their ex-boyfriends; separated women still had their wedding dresses hanging in their wardrobes.
"If they spend all their time looking back, there's no way they can move forward," explains Patricia. "Their homes were screaming to the universe that they wanted to stay single."
Her approach worked, both for her clients and for her. Extraordinary things happened when Patricia made space in her life. "I was just so much more open and the amount of guys coming in was very peculiar."
She soon met the man of her dreams after a string of fortuitous encounters that would make even the most hardened heart believe in the possibility of fate.
Patricia's formula is from the same school of thought as "faking it until you make it" and "dress for the job you want". She offers solid advice, no matter what your spiritual or religious inclinations, and I can't help but buy into it.
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