Tuesday 15 October 2019

Katie Byrne: 'The 20 relationship red flags you should never ignore'

US actress Pamela Anderson (L) and Marseille's French defender Adil Rami (R) attend the Premiere of the new show
US actress Pamela Anderson (L) and Marseille's French defender Adil Rami (R) attend the Premiere of the new show "Bionic ShowGirl" at the "Crazy Horse" cabaret on June 3, 2019 in Paris. (Photo by Geoffroy VAN DER HASSELT / AFP)
Pamela Anderson ignored the warning signs about Rami
Katie Byrne

Katie Byrne

Pamela Anderson didn't mince her words when she announced her split from French football player Adil Rami earlier this week. In a lengthy Instagram caption, the former Baywatch star accused Rami of cheating on her and alleged that he subjected her to "physical and emotional torture" during their two-year relationship.

"I was scammed," wrote the actress, "led to believe we were in a big love. I'm devastated to find out in the last few days that he was living a double life." It's hard not to sympathise with Anderson but, equally, it's hard not to wonder how she didn't see the red flags that were flapping furiously in the wind. The actress went on to say that her friend, photographer David LaChapelle, warned her off Rami.

And let's not forget we're dealing with a younger French footballer (he's 33, she's 51) with a suspiciously well-groomed Dali-esque moustache.Want to avoid the liars, cheaters, users and abusers? Here are the red flags you should never ignore.

1. Your friends and family don't seem to like him: Yet, like Pamela Anderson and co, you're determined to prove them wrong.

2. He's smooth as silk: Dark-haired, silver-tongued charmers can almost seem too good to be true. And that's because they generally are.

3. He has three phones: A sure sign you're dealing with an adulterer, a drug dealer or a dimwit.

4. He christens you with a pet name on the second date: You could put it down to him being a bit of a softie or you could listen to your gut and assume this guy will be lurking outside your workplace in six months' time wanting to know what he did wrong.

5. He insists on wearing his Fitbit during sex: Enough said.

6. He constantly changes his WhatsApp profile picture: If he can't commit to a simple photograph, he sure as hell can't commit to you.

7. He treats service staff badly: Avoid the man who is rude or dismissive to waiting staff or bartenders - it's an indicator of how he treats people in general.

8. All of his friends have nicknames: Yes, we get it, you grew up with Baz, Doyler, Jockser, Dumbledore and Gandalf, but that's no excuse for refusing to use their given names every now and again.

9. He's "not like other guys": Which means he's actually worse than them.

10. He talks about himself in the third-person: A sign that he either has narcissistic depersonalisation disorder or an ego the size of Ireland.

11. He owns one or more of the following items: An Oculus Rift headset; an obscenely large glass bong that is emblazoned with marijuana leaves or decorated in the colours of the Jamaican flag; a micro-scooter.

12. His emojis are smug: If a man only sends you the smirking emoji - or the one wearing sunglasses - you should maybe take him at winky-face value.

13. He only texts after 10pm: If your latest squeeze only wants to communicate after a certain hour on certain days of the week, he's only interested in one thing.

14. He has BIG PLANS!: Everyone likes a man with vision, but as the oft-quoted saying goes, "vision without action is just a dream". In other words, avoid the self-described 'change-makers' and 'thought-leaders'. They tend to be dreamers rather than doers.

15. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes: Otherwise, just veto the men who wear Crocs, clogs, sports sandals, embroidered velvet loafers, or anything with a metal toe.

16. He "wants to know everything about you": Said with unblinking intensity and terrifying earnestness.

17. He has no hobbies: Unless you count watching TV.

18. His book collection is slightly alarming: Run far, far away if you see books on hypnotism or anything by Neil Strauss.

19. He's fallen out with a lot of people: His ex-wife is a lunatic. His former boss is a psycho. His next-door neighbours are whackjobs. There's a pattern here, and it's not a healthy one.

20. His look is best described as 'artfully dishevelled': Think jaunty fedora hats, silk neck scarves, Bohemian waistcoats, wooden prayer beads and vests that expose way too much chest. He clearly sees himself as a sexy, swarthy love gypsy - and that always spells trouble.

Irish Independent

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