Monday 16 December 2019

Karl Spain Advises: My girlfriend wants me to set her friend up with my mates

Karl Spain

My girlfriend is always on at me to set her annoying friend up with my mates, but I know none of them would like her. To be honest, I'd be reluctant to even inflict this girl on them anyway.

God forgive me, she's a right dose.

This girl is loud and crude, dresses in clothes that are way too small for her body, and speaks in the most ear-splitting Americanised accent (even though she's from the bloody countryside!)

She's in her early 30s, and from what she tells my girlfriend, and what I see myself when we're out with her, she's determined to get a boyfriend and settle down pronto.

But she gets drunk really easily and quickly on nights out, and normally ends up a right mess. And she wonders why she can't get a man.

In passing, I mentioned a guy I know pretty well from playing football at weekends, and who I always thought was fairly sound. My girlfriend pounced on that, and now won't let up on it.

For a quiet life I'd love to just agree to do it, but I know it'd be a disaster.

My mate is a nice guy and he'd be on for a set-up, but only because I know he'd trust me not to pick some nutter. How could I look the guy in the eye when I set the two of them up?

My girlfriend is getting suspicious as to why I'm dragging my feet on it.

I don't want to have to start a big row by telling her that her pal is a mess. There has to be a clean, hassle-free way out of this. Help!


Karl advises:

You really do have a sticky one there, Jason. It can be nice if you're friends with one of your girlfriend's friend's boyfriends, but it's a hell of a risk to try and set it up.

The inevitable problem when -- sorry, if -- the mutual friends break up is that now you can't meet your friends on a night out, because it's too traumatic for her friend.

Anyway, more pressing right now is your spot of bother with this "right dose".

My advice would be: don't do it. She sounds like a nightmare.

It's a danger when dealing with single women when they hit their 30s.

I've noticed -- especially at friends' weddings -- that such ladies hunt out the single men aged between 25 and death.

They are predators, and have to be avoided. Although, admittedly, they are highly entertaining to watch in action.

Setting people up can really be tricky.

I set two friends up years ago and they will never forgive me. It ended so badly that they're married now.

The obvious question I have regarding this girl is: what is your girlfriend like that she's such good friends with this monster?

Maybe someone -- your girlfriend or someone else -- dropping a few hints about how she could improve her tactics to snare a man would be a start?

It could be a case that she's just one of those friends that is in every group: someone that has been around for years, and now you realise what a pain they are.

And just for the record: if you think you've no one like that in your group, well it could be you.

If you have to go through with it, I'd tell your friend everything, but set up a 'non-date' date.

Namely, make it something where you and your girl are there as well.

Make it during the week so she won't be getting too drunk or too badly dressed. Somewhere reserved like a gallery, or, if there's no other option, the cinema.

Then, afterwards, perhaps suggest a coffee or a drink after a light chat for the four of you.

Then, if your mate is anyway interested, let it happen and stand out of the way. It's his decision from there on out.

If nothing else works, send her online. While there are some great people out there, she sounds tame compared to some of the stories I've heard from people who have met others through the web.

Best of luck.

When I lost my job four years ago, my wife and I decided that it'd be best if I took some time off to stay at home with our four children.

I was glad of the break to be honest. I'd been working non-stop since I left school, and I'd never had much of a chance to be around the kids because of work.

My wife has a good job so she can support us, so now what started as "time off" is turning into me being a full-time househusband.

It was all fine at first. I enjoyed getting the kids off to school every morning, collecting them later and having time together.

But as time has gone on, I find myself getting more bored and frustrated by it all. My eldest kids aren't that big on spending time with "the auld lad" any more, and the youngest ones are busy with their own hobbies and things.

We used to have a cleaner come in once a week, but my wife slowly phased that one out, saying it was an unnecessary expense.

Between ferrying the kids, and cooking and cleaning, I'm beat almost 24/7. There's no time for myself at all. I used to play football, read books and go to the pictures. Now I don't have the time or the energy to do anything.

What's more, my wife seems unhappy that we don't do more things as a couple any more. I'm still feeling a bit weird about her being the main breadwinner. It somehow feels like "her" money and that I shouldn't be spending it on frivolous matters.

In my head, it also means that I don't really have any right to moan or complain about the situation. Some days, I feel like I'm cracking up! What would you do in my shoes?

What the readers say

If this girl is such a pain, I’m not sure why you and your girlfriend are hanging out with her! It sounds to me as if her attentionseeking behaviour masks an insecure personality.

A true friend would have a quiet word and advise her to tone things down a bit before setting up the date with a good heart and an open mind. Emma, Co Kerry

There is a hassle-free way out of this. You simply tell your girlfriend the truth — that you just don’t think this girl would be your mate’s cup of tea. But who’s to say he doesn’t have a thing for skimpily dressed, loud women?

You never know, she and your pal could hit it off — and then the problem will be off your hands!

Michael, Dublin

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