Sunday 22 April 2018

Jedward advise: Should I go out with my son's rugby coach?

Guest agony uncles this week...

Jedward. Photo: Getty Images
Jedward. Photo: Getty Images


Dear Jedward,

I am an attractive woman in my 30s with two children, an 18-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl. I was young having my children and didn't stay with their father for long.

Rearing the two kids on my own has been difficult -- extremely rewarding but difficult.

I haven't had a relationship since I split with their father 15 years ago; I simply haven't had time.

Lately, I have had a bit more time to myself and have been focusing on improving my general quality of life -- exercising and meeting up with friends whenever I can.

My son is very involved in rugby and has become pally with one of his coaches, who is 23 years old.

He is a really nice guy, very handsome and somewhat flirtatious.

I didn't pay any attention at first -- I simply saw him as a friend of my son's, albeit more polite and coherent than the usual teenagers that hang around the house -- but recently he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink some time.

I was surprised to say the least and fobbed him off, but I am kind of interested.

I don't want to upset my son -- or my daughter, who I suspect has a bit of a crush on him -- but I am tempted.

Any advice?

JOHN SAYS: I'm going to be honest with you: I feel like you shouldn't do that, because it could make things very awkward for your son. Imagine what it would be like for him being on a rugby team and having his coach going out with his mom?

Your son could be really good at rugby, but if his teammates and their parents found out about this, then they might say, 'Oh it's only because your mom is going out with the coach'.

I think it's the case that if he wasn't playing rugby, it would be okay. But it's not. I think you should look for someone your own age.

You say your daughter also has a crush on this guy. She would be mortified if she saw the two of you together. You need to remember that you're not in 'Desperate Housewives', and you're not Eva Longoria carrying on with the gardener.

I think you also need to consider this possibility: the rugby coach might just be asking you out for a drink to talk about your son and his potential as a rugby player. It might have absolutely nothing to do with you, or him fancying you. That would be really embarrassing for you, and for him too.

I think you need to ask yourself if this guy is really worth it, especially if it means creeping out your kids. I don't see any problem with going out with younger guys; I just think you should stay clear of this guy.

EDWARD SAYS: I agree with John -- this isn't 'Desperate Housewives'. You're looking to create a lot of unnecessary drama if you go out with this guy.

I think you need to focus on your son and his talents. If he's good at rugby, he could go very far with it. Who knows? Do you really want to mess that up for him? You could be stopping him from becoming the next Brian O'Driscoll or something.

You need to focus on both your children's needs, and not just your own. Your daughter sounds like she's at an age where she needs her mom's attention and support.

You mightn't agree with what John and I have to say. Maybe you think that because you're a grown woman, you're entitled to make your own decisions. But it's not just about you. If single parents want to have relationships, kids are always going to have to be a priority. I think you could go for a more normal guy, rather than this movie scenario where you start going out with your son's rugby coach.

As for you dating much younger guys, personally, I think it's a little weird going out with someone that wasn't even on earth for the first part of your own life. But it's up to you.

You want to be happy, and you should do what you can to achieve that. Just remember it's not all about you.

Irish Independent

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