Monday 17 December 2018

I still love the man who left me, will he ever come back?

Mary O’Conor

I recently met a man on an online dating service after a long and arduous search.

Very quickly I felt we were a great fit and he showed all the signs of feeling the same way - attentive, romantic and upfront.

After our first date, he mentioned his five-year plan was for a family and later revealed he had a failed marriage (with a daughter I had known about living in a different county). I was disturbed by the marriage but willing to carry on.

Everything was going well, he showed signs of moodiness and carelessness but I thought that could be curtailed as our relationship grew.

After two months of dating, he stopped talking to me for 48 hours and later contacted me and said his situation had changed.

His ex (not his wife) had been in touch and they were going to try again.

From what I understand, she left him broken-hearted as they were going to move in together but "couldn't get it together".

He cried and spoke about the difficulty of his decision.

He felt he had no choice and genuinely seemed distressed leaving me, saying that I was a better woman but he had to see it through and get closure.

Now my friends all hate him but I'm still hung up on him. I want him back. I want a family with him and I'm so devastated.

I know that contacting him won't be advised but will they work out?

Will he come back to me?

Mary replies: I'm sorry that you have been so hurt by this man. He seems to have quite a history and I feel that talking about five-year plans and children was quite premature.

I'm glad that he was man enough to explain why he wouldn't be seeing you any more - I have heard too many stories of guys disappearing without explanation, leaving the women to pick up the pieces.

I don't know if he and his ex will work out - only time will tell. But you will have to look ahead and take care of yourself, and this means being open to new relationships instead of crying over what might have been.

Don't worry about your friends hating him - they are just angry on your behalf at what you have gone through.

Put this whole episode down to experience, try to be strong and positive and live life to the full. Next time you will probably be less trusting which in one way is a good thing as you will be less likely to be hurt. But try not to be bitter - he was honest with you and that is to be applauded.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting www.dearmary.ie or email her at dearmary@independent.ie or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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