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Gerald Kean advises: My girlfriend's New Year's resolutions are driving me crazy!

My girlfriend is on a mad New Year’s resolution buzz at the moment, and she’s starting to properly wreck my head!

I know it’s only been a week, but already she’s decided to stop drinking, start a night course, take up yoga and volunteer in a local charity shop.

That’s all fine, except now she’s starting to pick on me for not throwing myself into new things too. Suddenly — according to her — I’m “lazy, lacking in ambition and stuck in a rut”. Not only that, she wants us to find things to do together; she’s been hinting at signing us up for cooking classes and joining a sports club so that we can both go there in the evenings and at weekends.

But I like things how they are. We’ve been going out for two years and I thought we were happy. We don’t live together yet, and we have plenty of space and time for our own lives with friends and so on.

If I agree to everything she’s suggesting, we’ll be on top of each other all the time — and not in a good way! I thought she liked me for who I was; now she just seems to want to change loads of things about me.

I’m not sure I’m crazy about the new person she’s becoming either. Any suggestions as to how I can tackle this? Phil

Utopia beckons and you should be grateful! You have what you consider to be the ideal relationship: you can enjoy a few pints in the pub with the lads, a pizza or curry in front of an entertaining DVD or TV programme, regular stag parties away, and little or no commitment.

All of a sudden, your girlfriend has decided not only does she want a new life, but she wants you to change too. Surely she should know a leopard cannot change its spots?

What you need to do is encourage your soulmate to pursue her interests even further abroad. Why not suggest that she spend a couple of months with a Niall Mellon township-building scheme in South Africa, help the homeless children in Bolivia, or work in the shanty towns in Rio De Janeiro? You might even suggest she consider becoming a nun.

The most important advice I can give you, in order to help your relationship, is to try to keep her away from you as long as possible: it is only at that point that you might actually appreciate what a great girl you have.

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As you pile on the pounds in weight, and head towards the inevitable state of obesity, you may come to realise that reducing excesses, educating yourself, relaxing through yoga and helping others might be of some benefit to yourself and your quality of life.

Not only will you benefit personally, but your relationship will grow into a fundamentally stronger partnership of mutual respect and love for each other.

However, before realising the value and importance of what might well benefit you, your girlfriend and your relationship, you should concentrate on drinking lots of pints, eating tonnes of curries, exercising little (except for the frequent visits to the bathroom and showering on the odd occasion), helping nobody except yourself and enjoying the lads' company!

I see that 'space' is vital to your way of life. Pursuing your present interests will ensure lots of space from others. For this reason, you should encourage others to stay away from you unless they share your 'worthy' interests.

For God's sake, Phil, get a life! Either you want this girl or you don't. Change must come naturally. There is absolutely no point in you adopting a new way of life simply at the behest and behold of your girlfriend. Either you are for it, or you are not. It's decision time.

Don't change just because of instructions received from your other half. If you do want this girl, you are going to have to look at your life and the changes that would strengthen your relationship. If you don't want to continue the relationship, it should be finished now.

Think carefully before adopting the latter approach. There is nothing worse than losing somebody who is special. Sit down and try to work it out.

This can only be done if you truly love your girlfriend and you want it to work. So get on top of things and make a decision.

Yours, Gerald.

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