Style Sex & Relationships

Thursday 22 August 2019

Dear Mary: We're pensioners and we want to try swinging

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Mary O’Conor

Both my wife, who is 68, and, myself, who is 70, are very fit and don't look our age. My wife is very good looking and our family are grown up. Our sex life is very active but sometimes we agree it can get boring - even though we use all the aids. We have often talked about swapping but have never done it.

A couple of years ago, on a night out, we met a couple who were not from our area and of the same age as ourselves. They were very attractive and we were very taken with one another, so they asked us if we would like to meet up at a later date for an exchange. That same night we were having sex and we both felt turned on by the experience. Time went by and we never did anything about it, but often talked about it.

In recent times, when socialising, we talked about couples our own age who we think are attractive - even though we would never have a relationship locally.

My wife and I feel if we are going to do this it should be now and we would like to meet an attractive couple of our age, but don't know how to go about it.

I hope you can give us some advice. We read your column every week and enjoy it.

Mary replies: So often my postbox contains letters from people who are complaining about their sex lives, so it is refreshing to get a letter like yours where your sex life is active, you both enjoy it and are looking for ways to improve it.

Younger readers will perhaps be surprised that a couple your age are thinking the way you do, so this is a wonderful opportunity to let them see that it's all about attitude and age is just a number.

You wrote me a letter, as opposed to an email, and I wonder if you are in an area that doesn't have very good internet service. Or perhaps you don't have a computer? Because of this I am not going to recommend you visit sites that may be of interest to you. I have spoken with Tom Hogan of the Irish Swingers Club, who would be very happy to answer any queries at 087-1854488.

He tells me that what is interesting about swinging is that for members who exceed a certain age i.e. mid-30s, age doesn't matter at all. He also says that they do not encourage anyone, especially guys under 30 to join. For other readers who are interested the website is

When the subject of swinging comes up I always issue a warning that sometimes one partner does not like it when they try it, or find themselves becoming very jealous seeing their partner with somebody else. So, be sure to have the conversation in advance as to what you will do if this happens. You have to be prepared to call it a day if it does not work for either of you.

On the other hand it may open up a lot of possibilities for you both. Whatever happens, I hope you continue to have a satisfying and enriching sex life together.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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