Saturday 20 January 2018

Dear Mary: Please help me deal with my bully husband

One reader married a bully. Photo: Getty Images.
One reader married a bully. Photo: Getty Images.

Q I am wife number two and now I realise that I married a total bully. I am involved in a large organisation and I have to make presentations with my job. When this happens my husband is inclined to tell people "the fool is talking again". I'm at my wit's end. Can you advise me?

A You have given me very little to work on, but I expect that you could give me lots of other examples of your husband's bullying.

Or it may be that he has a warped sense of humour and thinks that he is being funny when he puts you down in front of other people.

In any event the only answer to a bully is to stand up to them and they will then move on and try to bully somebody else.

It works every time, but you have to be strong and not let him get away with anything.

So next time he says something nasty about you to somebody else tell him that you do not appreciate what he has just said.

Ask him why he thinks you are a fool - was it for marrying him?

Tell him that any presentations you have given in the past have been very successful and will continue to be. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself. It is the only way to deal with him.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

Sunday Independent

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