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Dear Mary: My multi-orgasmic wife enjoys threesomes but won’t have sex with me and another man

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My spouse and I have had threesomes — two females and me — a couple of times. One was fairly average and one was fantastic. After an hour of foreplay and intercourse, we all came basically at the same time. My wife is a pillow princess and loves a female to give her oral but does not reciprocate.

I would like her to have sex with a man in front of me but she declines. She has seen me with several women having sex and says she enjoys watching. Any ideas on how to approach changing her mind?

When I ask her why she won’t, she says I am enough. She is multi-orgasmic. She will orgasm with a vibrator twice before me entering her, once with me, then two or three more with the vibrator. I think once I got her to experience sex with another man, in front of me, she would enjoy it.

Mary replies: Well, you certainly have a very active and, no doubt, enjoyable sex life. I’m sure many readers are envious, while others may wonder where you and your wife find the energy!

I wonder why you will not take your wife at her word when she says that you are enough for her. She is in a small group of women — around 15pc — who are multi-orgasmic. She has worked out a nice routine with both you and her vibrator, and there is no guarantee that another man would replace you in terms of orgasm.

Men don’t have the same ability to multi-orgasm because of what is called the refractory period. This means that after ejaculation everything switches off for a while, and the man cannot have an erection and cannot ejaculate again for some time. The time varies from man to man — some are capable of being aroused again quite quickly, whereas for others it may take anything up to 30 minutes.

However, it is not all about the orgasm. She married you because she loves you, and having sex with someone we love is a totally different experience to having sex with a stranger. So, you should not be trying to force her into doing what you think she should be doing, rather than what she wants to do. It is her body and her choice, just in a different connotation.

There is also one other factor to take into account. You have only had threesomes with women. If there were to be another man having sex with your wife, and if she appeared to be having the time of her life, it may well be that you might find yourself jealous. You might think you don’t have a jealous bone in your body, but the sight and sounds of your wife enjoying herself and possibly being brought to climax by another man may be difficult for you to handle.

So my advice to you is to be extremely grateful for what you have, and to believe her when she says one man is enough for her. Just be happy that you are that man!

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting dearmary.ie or email her at dearmary@independent.ie or write c/o 27-32 Talbot St, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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