Monday 18 December 2017

Dear Mary: I'm in my teens, and think I may be bisexual

I'm in my very early teens. I think I am straight, or I might be bisexual. I love women emotionally, I have always had crushes on girls, I've dated them and I actually love them. Once when I got out of a relationship with my girlfriend I was heartbroken and was depressed for many months. So from that I thought I was straight.

I still continue to have crushes on girls and have girlfriends; however, I am sexually attracted to men and women. I would never see myself in a relationship with a man, but I see myself in a relationship with a woman. I don't think that I would ever in the world be romantically in love with a man because that thought sickens me. However, men turn me on.

I don't know what I am and I am really confused. A lot of my friends are girls, though I have a few guy friends. I wouldn't call myself girly because I hate shopping and don't like doing any girl stuff. So my question is: what is my sexuality, what am I?

I know that I am not gay for sure because I am sexually and romantically attracted to women. However, I am also sexually attracted to men but I would never date one or ever fall in love with one romantically. Please answer -- I am so curious.

Mary replies:

You are very young and as such are beginning to experience all sorts of different emotions. It is very normal for somebody your age to question their sexuality. It is also very normal to have crushes. The name on your email lets me know that you are from a culture which has very strong anti-homosexual teachings, and therefore you might be extra-sensitive about this.

If you are emotionally attracted to girls, then it may be that the idea of being attracted sexually to guys is a sort of fantasy and one that you might not wish actually to put into reality.

Lots of people have same-sex fantasies, but this does not necessarily mean that they are gay.

It is too early for you to label yourself as bisexual or indeed anything else. My advice is to continue to develop as a person, so that you will be a rounded young man and both sexes will enjoy spending time with you. As time goes by and you have more experience, you will also develop sexually and will be able to answer your own question as to what you really are.

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