Sunday 25 February 2018

Dear Mary: I think I'm addicted to sex - do I need help?

Photo posed. Getty images
Photo posed. Getty images

My boyfriend does not like the thought of me using my vibrator because he feels like he's not good enough.

We have sex almost every night but when he is working, sometimes I feel the urge to use my vibrator. I'm always in the mood for sex so he doesn't miss out when he wants to have it. I think I may have a slight addiction to sex.

Should I feel bad for using this behind his back and throw it away? Should I get help to reduce my libido?

Mary replies:  I don't think there is anything at all wrong with your libido. In fact, it is refreshing to hear from somebody who has such an enjoyment of sex because lack of desire is something that people frequently write to me about.

People have differing levels of appetite for sex and it does not happen too often that two people have the same degree of willingness for and enjoyment of sex.

I have certainly come across cases where guys have felt threatened because of a vibrator because they either feel, like your boyfriend, that they are not good enough or they are afraid that they will be totally replaced by the sex toy.

You should reassure your boyfriend that you are only using the vibrator as a substitute when he is not around as you are often thinking of him and wishing he was with you. There is absolutely no point in telling him about it unless he asks. Please don't look for any help in trying to reduce your libido and don't throw away your vibrator. You are lucky to be functioning so well and may you continue to enjoy a healthy sex life both alone and with your boyfriend for a long time to come.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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