Style Sex & Relationships

Wednesday 26 September 2018

Dear Mary: 'I really respect my girlfriend a lot but I'm not sure that she's the one for me'

Picture posed
Picture posed

Mary O’Conor

I have been dating a girl for a year and am still not able to decide as to whether I want to take things further or not.

Sometimes the urge to go back to the single life is really strong. Initially the relationship was amazing but gradually, after five to six months, I started losing interest. On the other hand she is totally into me and wants to take it further.

We have spoken about it and usually we end up fighting so such conversations are very disturbing.

I really respect her a lot but there is something missing although I don't know what it is.

I feel so guilty and am very anxious about all of this. Please make some suggestions as to what I should do.

Mary replies:  I appreciate your honesty about how you are feeling and it really doesn't sound like this girl is the one for you.

You shouldn't be hankering after the single life while you are with her.

Instead you should be looking forward to meeting her and spending time with her each time you have a date.

You don't sound like you feel any excitement about this relationship, even though you had at the beginning, and that is very worrying.

As you are still not very sure about your feelings it might be an idea to suggest that you take a break from each other and be free to date other people.

She will find this difficult as she is so into you and she may not agree to a break. However if she does you may find that you miss her more than you thought you would and want to get back together.

However, I almost always found in counselling that when people were seriously unsure about getting married and still went ahead with a wedding there was rarely a happy ever after.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting www.dearmary.ie or email her at dearmary@independent.ie or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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