Style Sex & Relationships

Tuesday 21 May 2019

Dear Mary: I hate seeing others being happy

Library Image
Library Image

Mary O’Conor

I'm a mess of emotions. I'm in my final year of university and instead of feeling excited about graduating I'm filled with regret, bitterness, jealousy and anger.

I have lived at home for most of my years at university and it was one of the worst decisions ever. What I saved in money I've lost in the experience. The only thing I've managed to get from it is decent grades and I'd happily trade some of them for a better college life.

I've missed out on so much and it is only really hitting me now. My friends there all live near the campus so they can join clubs, have unplanned nights out and meet loads of new people and all they can do is talk about it even though I can't join in.

I'm starting to feel really left out and like I'm not part of the group at all. I recently tried to explain how I felt to one of them and she wasn't helpful.

She tried to make me see the positive side of it but I felt physically sick listening to it as I loathe positivity.

I haven't always been a negative person but in recent years I can't see the good in anything. I'm negative about everything I see and hear and don't believe anything good anyone says about me.

They don't get how I feel and they don't care, they do it just to shut me up.

I'm so jealous of others it's ridiculous. I can't stand to see anyone else being happy or getting what they want when I can't have the same.

And yes, I'm aware of how childish and nasty that sounds. But that's why I'm writing to you.

I'm not proud of the way I am, I'm just so unhappy all I want to do is cry.

I'm pathetic and I've wasted so much time. I don't want to be positive. I just want to stop caring.

Mary replies:  Reading your letter I wondered what it was that is causing you to be so negative and it seems to me it is because you are focusing so much on other people and not on yourself.

In this social media age we tend to get an unrealistic view of other people's lives. Everybody seems to be having a great time, going to wonderful restaurants/having amazing boyfriends or girlfriends, being spoiled on their birthdays and so on.

But each one of these people has something in their lives that they would rather not have, they just choose not to share it with other people.

For example nobody writes on Facebook how miserable they are because they just found out their girlfriend has ended the relationship, or that they didn't get the job they were desperately hoping for.

As a result, everybody else sees only the positive aspect of their lives and not the negatives and this is what you are doing with your college friends.

William Penn is quoted as saying "the jealous are troublesome to others but a torment to themselves".

This is so true because the only person that you are hurting with your jealousy is yourself.

If you feel so unhappy that it is interfering with your day to day living then you should consult your doctor about this depression.

You may need medication or he may suggest counselling but things need to change if you are to have a good quality of life.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

Sunday Indo Living

Editors Choice

Also in this section