Thursday 19 September 2019

Dear Mary: I had sex with a colleague, now he's ignoring me and I don't know what to do

File photo
File photo

Mary O’Conor

I need your help. I slept with an ex colleague a few weeks ago. I'm pretty sure he liked me as much as I liked him. He used to bring me in DVDs to watch.

A new person started working with us a few months ago and she became obsessed with him.

She thought he and I were a couple but she still made a play for him.

Since sleeping with him I have not heard from him but I know she is in contact with him.

He blocked me on Facebook recently and I don't know why as I had not contacted him. However, I know that the girl - who I still work with - suggested to him that I may be pregnant.

He was a good friend and I'm sorry to have lost him.

I'd like to speak to him to set the record straight but don't know how to approach it.

Mary replies

It may well be that this guy took fright when he heard that you may be pregnant which would be a pity because it shows that he is fairly shallow.

Or it may be that he considered it was a mistake to move your friendship on to a sexual level and decided that he wouldn't have any more to do with you. Or perhaps he just didn't enjoy himself and decided to move on.

All of these are possibilities, although none of them are particularly appealing.

Blocking you on Facebook is pretty nasty if he considered himself a friend of yours.

Could you have given him any reason, other than him suspecting that you might be pregnant, like messaging him too frequently in the past?

He already knows where you are and how to get in touch with you but he has chosen not to.

If you desperately feel the need to contact him then you could text him saying that you are sorry not to have heard from him and that you miss your chats.

Fill him in on whatever has been happening with you and then assure him that you are not pregnant despite what he may have heard.

However, he may well choose not to answer so ask yourself how you would feel if this were to happen.

I expect that you would feel very much out of control and unable to do anything further.

The best advice is to do nothing and move on.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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