Monday 19 November 2018

Dear Mary: I had an affair with my boss but now he just ignores me

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images

Mary O’Conor

Mary, I work long shifts in emergency services and we all work very closely and get each other through traumatic incidents.

One of the managers poured his heart out to me at a staff event about his marriage being dead and his wife being bad tempered and we ended up in my place.

Our affair lasted a few months until his wife got suspicious about him being on his phone a lot.

He then just cut me stone dead and now walks past me as if I am not there.

People saw us leave the pub together and there have been snide indirect comments. He is senior and now acts as if nothing happened.

He is now flirting with another colleague. There are lots of affairs going on, and the lads keep scorecards and bet on who is next.

I was just coming out of a relationship when it started. I am glad the affair ended as he had been very tactless and insulting. He is a serial cheater.

I don't miss him, he wasn't exactly a great performer in the sack and mean with his money - he just turned up for sex.

I cut him off all social media.

I cannot turn the clock back. But how do I wipe him from my memory and am I mad to approach him to say that ignoring me is ignorant behaviour?

I am sick that his wife saw a WhatsApp message I sent him so she knows my name.

I have not had an affair with a married man before. I am now in the early stages of a proper new relationship and I am sick at how I behaved when on the rebound.

A I can imagine that working in one of the emergency services can be particularly harrowing at times and because of this you become a very close-knit community.

It was very wrong of your manager to take advantage of the situation, particularly as he was senior to you, and for your part you already regret what you did.

I don't think there is anything to be gained by telling him that he is ignorant.

You both know he is ignoring you and you both know why. It is a shame that his wife had to be made aware of your existence, although from what you say it probably wasn't the first time that she was confronted with his unfaithfulness.

You cannot turn back the clock but you can certainly learn from your mistakes and I feel sure that you will.

You are seeing now just how lovely a real relationship can be, instead of always having to sneak around hiding things and being the subject of innuendo.

You have cut this man off in your social media, he has cut you off in real life, and so you are quits.

He is not worth wasting your emotions on - you have not told me of a single redeeming feature that he has.

I hope your new relationship brings you much joy.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting www.dearmary.ie or email her at dearmary@independent.ie or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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