Saturday 21 September 2019

Dear Mary: I fear for my girlfriend and her ex

Picture posed
Picture posed

Mary O’Conor

My girlfriend of nearly three years, 'Maureen', is visiting her 22-year-old daughter who lives with Maureen's ex-husband.

Maureen and her ex have been divorced over three years.

I am worried that old feelings may arise and lead to a sexual encounter between Maureen and her ex-husband.

I am feeling very confused and wonder what I should do.

Mary replies: Nobody takes divorce lightly and a lot of thought goes into the decision to divorce. I have had people say to me that they wouldn't wish the entire process on their worst enemy, especially when proceedings becomes protracted as they so often do.

Maureen has been your girlfriend since shortly after she and her ex-husband divorced and as a result you will have heard the entire story, particularly in the early days when you were together and she was getting over the divorce.

Unless she has told you that she still has strong feelings for her ex, which is extremely unlikely, then I would say that the chances of them having sex during her visit to her daughter are almost zero.

You have given me very little information but I wonder why it is that you are afraid of this happening.

Has anything happened to lead you to believe that Maureen cannot be trusted, or has somebody cheated on you in the past? If so then you need to deal with this straight away before it becomes an issue and spoils your relationship with Maureen.

I hope that all is good sexually between the two of you - in these early years of the relationship it should be blooming. If so, then you have absolutely no need to worry.

If not then be sure to talk about this with Maureen when she comes back and take steps to improve things.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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