Dear Mary: I act like a clingy possessive wife
I am married to a wonderful man who tells me all the time how much he loves me, how gorgeous he thinks I am and how he could never live without me. We have had many conversations about faithfulness over the years and I know he would never be unfaithful as we have discussed the impact that would have on either of us were the other to cheat.
When we're out, my husband always looks at other women. Even if we're in the car I can see him eyeing up other women. When we're in a social situation I get very uncomfortable if an attractive woman is within his line of sight as I know he will keep looking at her throughout the night. He is a very attractive man and he gets quite a lot of female attention. While this always bothered me to a certain extent, it was never an issue between us as I knew he would never do anything to hurt me.
However, I am currently going through a difficult menopause. I have gained some weight, which I never had, my skin is in bad condition and my self-confidence has taken a hit.
Now when I see him looking at other women it really bothers me. I have said it to him but he brushes it off and I end up feeling like a clingy, possessive wife. Any advice would be much appreciated.
A it sounds like you have a really good marriage and a very fine relationship with your husband. He seems to be of the way of thinking that 'I can look at the menu without ordering from it' and this, up until recently, has been fine by you as you trust him implicitly.
What has changed however is your view of yourself due to the physical changes in your body brought about by the menopause. While some women go through menopause with very little difficulty and are just grateful that the risk of pregnancy is over, you are struggling.
And now when he looks at other women - which he has always done - you feel that you are not as attractive as they are despite his reassurances.
In China, menopause is referred to as the second spring which is much more positive than the word we use.
In the past, problems due to menopause were not spoken of very frequently, which is why almost five years ago, Aisling Grimley set up the website www.mysecondspring.ie to cover all aspects of this time in a woman's life.
You will benefit greatly from browsing through the website and reading some of the excellent blogs where you will see that you are not alone.
It may also help you to be much more positive than you are feeling right now.
When you next feel like saying something about your anxiety because your husband is looking at other women, try instead to say something complimentary to him.
After all, you think that he is wonderful, attractive and lots of other good things, so why not let him know?
You will be glad that you did and doing this may help shift the focus from yourself and your worries about your body.
Sunday Indo Living