Dear Mary: He fantasises about my sister
My boyfriend and I have been in a committed relationship for two years. We love each other very much and he is as ideal a man as I could ever wish for.
The only thing that bothers me is the sexual fantasy that he recently disclosed to me. He said he likes me to be submissive while we are having sex. That was fine at first until while having sex with me he called out my sister's name and then looked at my sister's picture until he orgasmed.
When I talked to him about this he said he has no interest in my sister in real life. The reason he did what he did was because he knows it was forbidden and me being submissive makes him feel powerful.
It's fine for me if it was only one time to spice things up. But it has been happening more and more often recently. He reassures me it was just a fantasy and he has no intention to actualise the fantasy. He did apologise afterwards.
If it's just in the mind that is fine. What really bothers me is that he has to look at my sister's picture. I try to be open-minded but I worry it might not be just fantasy.
I feel so guilty and I really don't know what should I do. Should I end the relationship just because he has this weird fantasy?
Mary replies: This is taking sisterly love to a whole new level and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
You went along with this on the basis that it was just once and now it is becoming more frequent. I'm sure you got a shock when you realised what was going on, especially when he used your sister's photograph. That is bringing the realms of fantasy far too close to reality and I'm not surprised it is making you uneasy.
How would your boyfriend feel if you looked at a photograph of your favourite actor/musician, or a particularly good looking friend of his, while he was making love to you?
There is no need right now to end the relationship but nobody should have to partake in anything sexual if they are not 100pc committed.
Explain to your boyfriend that this particular action is making you very unhappy and you cannot allow him to continue to do it.
He will need to find something else to make himself feel powerful and it certainly should not be at your expense.
Sunday Indo Living