Friday 15 December 2017

Breaking up is hard to do . . . so let's just get back together

Chrissie Russell

She's famous for her chart-topping Back to Black album but it looks like Amy Winehouse has now gone back to Blake.

The singer divorced hubby Blake Fielder-Civil last summer but after reconciling a few months ago, rumours of a Vegas wedding are already being bandied around.

Even after the fights, the jail terms and the drugs, there's a bond that these two love birds just can't break. It may be a car crash waiting to happen but there's something captivating about former flames that just won't go out.

Let's face it, there has always been a fascination for the ex-factor (and it has nothing to do with Simon Cowell). Television audiences swooned as Rachel 'got off the plane' in the final episode of Friends to reunite with ex-boyfriend Ross. Sex And The City managed to get numerous reconciliations between Carrie and Big.

The tried-and-tested film formula of thwarted lovers destined to be together is hard to beat. But increasingly the same drama is being played out amongst real-world celebrities.

Singers Jennifer Lopez (40) and Marc Anthony (41) made it work second time around. The couple first met in the 1990s. He says he told her then: "You are my wife and you don't even know it," but the pair went on to marry other people. They reunited, wed in 2005 and now have twins together.

Popstar Pink (30) and her motocross racer Carey Hart (34) likewise seem to have weathered the storm of separation to make it back to each other's arms. Pink, real name Alecia Moore, slashed apart a heart reading 'Alecia and Carey' in her music video for the song 'So What', which was released shortly after the couple called time on their 21-month marriage. Now they've been spotted strolling hand in hand around LA, cooking meals and looking at new kitchens.

Most recently Jude Law (37) and Sienna Miller (28) appear to have re-lit the flame after a series of rocky relationships. From being the golden couple of the early noughties, Jude fell from grace after cheating on Sienna with his children's nanny in 2005.

She then failed to cover herself in glory after a liaison with married dad-of-four Balthazar Getty (35). But after all the tabloid mudslinging, the pair appear content once more.

It's clear that sometimes a break-up can make for an even stronger relationship the second time around. But how can you tell if it's is worth that second chance?

Judging by the number of internet sites that have sprung up around the concept of getting an ex back, it's clear that plenty of people have trouble letting go of love. Site administrator for, Ronnie Wilson says many people who contact the site are scared of being alone.

'The main reason that most people want to get back with an ex is that they don't want to be alone and they don't want to start a new relationship with someone else," says Ronnie.

"It takes time for people to really know a partner and given that most people take their past relationships problems into a new relationship, sometimes it can make more sense to try and work it out instead of starting over."

But it all rests on what caused the initial split. Ronnie says: "A relationship can work the second time around but it really depends on the reasons that caused the relationship to break up in the first place.

"Many people break up over things like money issues, a controlling partner or cheating and one of the main reasons is a lack of communication.

"If the relationship is to work, changes need to be made and couples need to begin talking to each other."

Allison Keating, psychologist and director of the bWell clinic in Dublin, agrees that it's important to identify what was wrong with the partnership before leaping back in.

She says: "Every case is different. I think a relationship has a chance of working again if it was a couple who dated when they were much younger or if the behaviour that split them up was a once off and has been resolved. But if you are constantly breaking up with someone, you to have to ask yourself why."

She explains: "Some people are addicted to drama and others can find themselves returning to relationships out of habit. Quite often a desire to get back with an ex can say more about the person than the relationship.

"After any break-up, I usually advise clients to have a cooling off period of several months before making contact with an ex, so that they have a better perspective."

But the most important thing is not to let a recent failed relationship make you misty-eyed about an ex.

"If you've just finished dating someone who was a real extrovert and your previous boyfriend was shy, your gut reaction might be to rush back to him -- because that relationship looks better in the light of the most recent break up.

"But really it might not be Mr Extrovert or Mr Shy that's right for you, but someone completely new and if you give yourself time on your own you'll realise that."

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