Asking for a friend: ‘Should I leave my sexless marriage? My husband won’t try new positions and I’m so frustrated — when he finishes, that’s the end of it’

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Dr Caroline West

Q: My husband and I have been married for six years now, and it’s been a really good experience, apart from our sex lives. I feel so embarrassed writing to you, but I feel like I’ve hit a wall and I am not sure I can stay in this marriage for the rest of my life. Our sex life has never been exactly on fire, but I hoped it would get better, especially after we got married. We didn’t live together for long before we got married, so it was often difficult to find time to hook up as we were living with our parents. I thought once we lived together, we could spend lots more time together. We don’t have children, and don’t plan on having them either, so we can’t use them as an excuse for being tired or them disrupting us. He won’t talk about it and isn’t interested in trying out anything exciting beyond missionary or maybe a couple of other positions. I am so frustrated as it is not pleasurable for me either, while he finishes and then that is the end of everything. I feel bad for thinking this way as the rest of our relationship is really good, but I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage forever.