| 17.2°C Dublin

Close

Premium

Asking for a friend: ‘My fiancé earns more than I do and wants a huge wedding I can’t afford. It’s becoming an issue’

Close

'Money issues can be deal-breakers for some couples'

'Money issues can be deal-breakers for some couples'

'Money issues can be deal-breakers for some couples'

My fiancé earns more money than I do, and it’s starting to become an issue. It wasn’t a big deal before, as we would often take turns paying for things, and we hardly went out during the pandemic. However, now that we are planning our wedding more seriously for two years’ time, I am starting to see an issue. He wants to have a huge wedding with so many extras, and then have a big honeymoon somewhere on an island. It makes me anxious as my wages won’t stretch to that, and I don’t want to get into debt. He says he will pay for it from his wages, but I don’t feel comfortable having him pay for most of it. We are paying for it ourselves and wouldn’t dream of asking or taking money from either set of parents. I don’t know how to say this to him as I don’t want to hurt him or make him think I don’t want to get married. But I just wonder about our future if I never earn as much as him.

Dr West replies: Money is one of the biggest stressors in a relationship. People have different ideas about saving, spending, and what is considered acceptable to spend money on. They receive different messages about money from family, pop culture, and society. Negative experiences and learning can make money management difficult, and even trauma can influence how we deal with our finances. Combined with different levels of communication skills, money issues can be deal-breakers for some couples. Our expectations for our lifestyles can clash. One person might want to go out a few times a week, another sees it as a waste of money. Therefore, despite any awkward feelings, money has to be discussed before marriage. If you have totally different ideas about money and the kind of life you want to lead, there may be issues in the future. Now is the time to have hard conversations. You’ve stated how you feel, so it is important to listen to how he feels about this. Perhaps he doesn’t mind, or maybe he expects that compromise can be made in other areas.


Most Watched





Privacy