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Ask the therapist: I resent my husband as all the domestic work is on my shoulders

Our resident therapist answers your queries about life and relationships

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Q The division of labour in our house since the lockdown has been really unfair. My husband is busier than ever and is working 50/60-hour weeks. I work for myself so have scaled back as the first few weeks were unbearable when we were trying to both work full-time with our two kids - a two-year-old and a seven-year-old. I am so angry about the fact that all the domestic work is entirely on my shoulders and if I bring it up with my husband he gets angry, as he says there is nothing he can do about it. I feel like my career has been diminishing since we had kids and this is just the icing on the cake.

A There's no perfect answer to this situation, as right now isn't ideal. How can two adults juggle even more roles that probably had you at full capacity PC (pre-Covid)? With your husband working up to 60 hours a week and you trying to manage a business, it is understandable that you had to park your business. Understandable, but that doesn't make it palatable.

Maybe what's required is a phased plan to get you out of this. A clear plan can only come when you can identify clearly your frustrations and what is not working to identify what you do want. Break this into headings of yourself, being a parent, your relationship, family life, work and friends. There may be subheadings like health, rest, fun, time and less fun activities like housework and homework. A lockdown challenge that sets and creates boundaries for a life that has breathing space.


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