Friday 27 April 2018

Ask Brian: My girlfriend's singing makes me want to rip my ears off

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues

Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

I've found myself in a bit of a delicate situation.

I love my girlfriend, I really do.

But her singing does my bloody head in. She's always at it around the house, in the shower and worst of all on a Saturday night after a few glasses of wine. She does be blasting 'my heart will go on' by Celine Dion at all hours.

But that's where the comparisons with Celine Dion end, the woman doesn't have a note in her head. If we were doing a Jack and Rose at the front of the Titanic I'd chuck her in the sea if she started singing.

Her voice sounds like a bag of cats being shoved into a blender. I don't mean to sound all Simon Cowell, but honestly I want to rip my ears off.

I suggested she record herself so she would hear what she sounded like, but she thinks she's the bomb.

I love her to bits though, and I know she's never happier then when she thinks she's channeling Whitney.

How can I tell her that her voice gives me migraines? Is there any way to spare her feelings?

Brian replies:

Firstly, it sounds like me and your girlfriend would really get on. I too delude myself I am a vocal equal to Celine Dion after a few alcoholic beverages.

If I were to create a talent show it would require all competitors to audition drunk, because I think people really give it welly then.

"If only I had the confidence to perform like this sober, I'd be a superstar", we drunkenly tell ourselves as we knock over a lamp doing a hair flip. However I'm guessing if you've written in that your girlfriend must be particularly lacking vocally.

Honestly, for the most part you're just going to have toe grin and bear it. You say you love her, and singing obviously makes her really happy - so I don't understand why you'd want to take that away from her.

I would take issue with the late night concerts, particularly if you have work in the morning. It's one thing for her to enjoy putting on her intimate gigs, it's an entirely different thing if you're kept awake while she does.

Learn to live with it - if you love her as much as you say you do well then her singing is surely a small price to pay for happiness.

You could get her singing lessons for Christmas, a professional might help smooth off the screechy edges. Plus she might conserve most of her singing energy for the lessons.

I've received hundreds of emails with some truly heartbreaking problems - I think if this is the worst you have to contend with you're not doing too bad.

Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on? Email askbrian@independent.ie  to submit in confidence.  Due to the volume received, Brian cannot respond to individual emails.

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