Monday 23 April 2018

Ask Brian: My boyfriend won't let me have lie-ins at the weekend

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues

(Stock image)
(Stock image)
Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend and things are going ok.

What’s bothering me is that he constantly gives out about me having a lie in at weekends.

Every weekend he gives out if I am not out of bed my 9. Before moving in together, I was always used to my Sunday morning lie ins and enjoyed being able to relax in bed til about 10-10.30.

It’s just the two of us (no kids) and I have no problem getting up early if we had plans for the day but we rarely do.

One day last weekend he came in at 10am and told me it was time to get up and "I’m not a teenager".

He is spending the day watching rugby on the TV so I don’t see why it mattered to him whether I lay on or not.

Since I get up at 6.30am for work five days a week, I feel it is none of his business if I want to catch up on some zzzzz at the weekend.

Am I being unreasonable?

 

Brian replies:

I'll give him one thing, he's a brave man trying to get you out of bed. If it was me I'd dispense the bedside lamp in the direction of anyone who tried to wake me up on a day off.

You're right to be annoyed by this, it really isn't anything to do with him what time you get up at.

Anyone who gets up early for work during the week will now how special that extra hour or two (or five) is at the weekends.

However I'd be concerned by his controlling nature here - why does he think he has any input into when you choose to get up?

What else might he decide he deserves input in? What you eat? What you wear? When you're allowed go out with your friends?

It may seem extreme, but it can be a slippery slope of controlling behaviour if you don't act to stamp it out now.

Let's be clear; you're not being unreasonable here. It's not as if you're oversleeping and causing you to miss plans or be constantly late for things. You're talking about days when you have no plans.

You need to firmly put him in his place on this - tell him you don't want his input on when you get up. Tell him his objections (unreasonable though they are) have been noted and he doesn't need to keep repeating himself.

It's an important battle you need to win - if you concede and start getting up when he wants he could start to try and control other aspects of your life.

Enjoy your lie in this weekend. In fact, stay in bed an extra hour longer than usual, just because you can.

 

Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on? Email askbrian@independent.ie  to submit in confidence.

@Brian_O_Reilly

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