Style Sex & Relationships

Sunday 19 August 2018

Ask Brian: My boyfriend needs to stop watching porn and live in the real world

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues

(Stock image)
(Stock image)
Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

I need my boyfriend to stop looking at porn.

I'm not against it, I know most lads have dabbled at one time or another and that's fine.

My problem is I think it's giving him unrealistic expectations about sex.

Recently he asked he why I'm not more vocal in the bedroom and the only place he could have got that idea from is watching some wailing young ones in a porn video.

Porn isn't real, these women are bad actresses who are paid to be overly dramatic. Does he expect he to be screaming like a tennis player? How do I get him to stop?

 

Brian replies:

You're completely correct in your description of porn and the potential effects it can have on people.

Studies have repeatedly shown it creates unrealistic expectations of how sex is and how people's bodies should look.

Real people have flab and imperfections and body hair. Very few of us have to get a full body wax for work, yet it's one of the requirements should you chose to work in adult entertainment.

I think trying to ban porn altogether is a bit rash - mainly, because he'll probably tell you he's stopped but won't. So you're just creating a situation that will create dishonesty in your relationship.

You're better off discussing it directly with him - tell him he can watch it to his heart's content but not to blur the lines between what he sees and real life.

I'm assuming he doesn't watch a James Bond movie and think a realistic was to exit a building is out a window into the bins below, deflecting bullets as he falls. If he does, well porn is the least of your worries.

You've also jumped the gun a bit by assuming the reason he's asked you to be more vocal in the bedroom is because of porn.

It's possible he thinks that your lack of 'wailing like a young one' is somehow reflective of poor performance in the bedroom on his end. So it could be a case that he's just looking for reassurance.

He could be a porn-addicted fiend, but let's not jump to a red alert just yet. Talk to him - calmly - and things will more than likely end well.

 

Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on? Email askbrian@independent.ie  to submit in confidence.  Brian cannot respond to individual emails.

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