Style Sex & Relationships

Tuesday 25 September 2018

Ask Brian: My boyfriend needs to put down the pizza and lose his new moobs or I'm leaving

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues

Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

I've been with my boyfriend two and a half years and everything is going pretty well, except for the fact that since the start of this year he's been piling on weight.

When we started dating he'd hit the gym 3 or 4 times a week and would always push for us to do outdoor activities on weekends.

He started the slide last Christmas. I think everyone lets their hair down a bit around the festive period which is fine. But in early January when most people get back on track he got injured which prevented him going to the gym for almost 6 weeks.

But when the 6 weeks passed he didn't go back, he seemed to lose motivation.

He's always finding excuses not to exercise and now on weekends, he'd rather eat pizza and drink beer rather than go on a hike or something with me.

He's not really fat, but he's gone from being quite toned and lean to having a bit of a beer belly and man boobs setting in.

It isn't affecting our sex life and I still find him attractive, but less so than I used to. I'm just worried it's a slippery slope and am concerned for his health as well. How big could he be this time next year if he keeps going this way?

How can I approach this with him without hurting his feelings?


Brian replies:

This is such a common issue.

There comes a point in so many relationships when one partner (or more often, both) start to put on some weight.

Let's be honest, you can get a bit complacent about your physical shape after while.

I admire the honesty in your email in admitting your concern for the impact it might have on your sex life, as well as his health.

I think a more soft approach is how you can start, rather than going in all guns blazing.

Suggest that you start doing physical activities at weekends like you used to, and see how he responds.

It's so easy to fall out of the habit of excising. If it looks slightly like rain that's all the excuse I need to avoid walking to the gym and stay home shame eating pringles.

Your boyfriend suffered an injury that put him out of action for six weeks, so it's very easy to see how exercise dropped of the radar and he didn't pick it up again.

Suggest you go to the gym together, play to his ego and ask him to show you how to use the machines - whatever you need to do to get him back in there. Hopefully when he starts going back the habit might stick.

Once he gets back into exercising regularly hopefully the more healthy eating choices will follow - why spend an hour torturing yourself in the gym and then blow it on a delicious Kinder Bueno. A Kinder Bueno might be worth it, let's be honest. But you get my drift.

If the more subtle approach doesn't work then it might be time to take the bull by the horns, or the moobs in his case.

You'll need to tell him it's coming from a place of love - that you're concerned about the impact on his health of eating.

If you tell him that he's becoming less attractive to you it will hurt him, but it could be the kick he needs to move from the coach to the treadmill.

This isn't going to be solved overnight, and sustainable weight loss takes time even when he does get back into the gym.


Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on? Email  to submit in confidence.

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