Thursday 20 September 2018

Ask Brian: I found my boyfriend asleep with gay porn playing on his laptop

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues

(Stock photo)
(Stock photo)
Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

Hi Brian, Last week my boyfriend went out with his friends for a few pints.

I work in retail so work weekends but he has a nice 9-5 gig, so he'd go out with his pals on Friday night for drinks.

I woke up to go to the loo in the middle of the night and noticed he wasn't in bed.

I could hear noise coming from the living room and thought I'd left the TV on.

So I went up to knock it off, and sure enough there he was passed out drunk on the sofa with his hands down his pants and his laptop on the coffee table playing porn. Gay porn.

Brian, I'm a woman of the world. I know he does be having "me time" with his laptop and know what he's up to. I've made my peace with that. But I'm worried about his choice of viewing.

I woke him up and confronted him, and through his slurred words he insisted it obviously went on to the gay videos automatically when he was asleep, or that he hit something asleep.

We have a healthy sex life, and I want to believe him, but I struggle. I've never even thought he could be gay before, he's such a lad. What can I do?

 

Brian replies:

Well first, I obviously have to point out how scarlet we all are for your boyfriend. That's like one of the worst possible things to walk in on.

The fire brigade routinely warn people not to pop food into the oven after they get home drunk, as people commonly fall asleep and a fire can ignite in the oven from their chicken dippers.

An additional modern warning to drunk people - particularly men, let's be honest - is to not do some "adult material viewing" while drunk and sleepy. I'm sure many have found themselves in the situation your boyfriend did.

The good news for you is, I actually believe him.

If he was fast asleep when you found him the chances are he'd been asleep for quite a while. So it's quite believable that he could have tapped his laptop of clicked something.

To address the other possibility - that he's secretly gay - I just don't think so.

I mean it's possible he could be bisexual, but given you have a healthy sex life and you've never suspected anything before I don't really think he is. And if he is, that doesn't mean he's having affairs behind your back.

You say he's a 'lad' - by which I assume you mean he isn't a "stereotypical" gay. He isn't obsessed with Eurovison, Wicked the musical or Britney Spears. Three of my biggest passions, by the way.  Although I hate narrow stereotypes of "gayness".

Look, give him the benefit of the doubt. You seem a very open minded person, so trust that all this was just a very, very embarrassing incident for him.

 

Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on? Email askbrian@independent.ie  to submit in confidence.  Brian cannot respond to individual emails.

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