Monday 14 October 2019

Ask Brian: How do I dump my girlfriend now I'm too good looking for her?

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issue

(Stock image)
(Stock image)
Brian O'Reilly

Brian O'Reilly

I've been going out with my girlfriend about two years now.

Last year I was tired of being a bit overweight and hit the gym hard to lose some flab and tone up.

There's been no looking back since then. I've lost over two stone and really toned up.

Going out with the lads now I get loads of attention off other girls, which never used to happen before. I'll admit I'm only human and have been tempted, but haven't cheated on her and really don't want to.

She's the same as when we met, in fact she's put on a bit of weight. I don't mean to sound like an ass, but I'm out of her league now. I don't ever try and initiate sex with her anymore.

She's a lovely girl and I really care about her, but I think I'm not really in love with her. I do care about her a lot and don't want to hurt her feelings.

Do I tell her that we're no longer physically compatible? Or just make up some excuse?

Any advice appreciated, I'm struggling to figure out how to do the right thing.


Brian replies:

Well, first things first. All my lovely Facebook readers are going to destroy you in the comments.

But I'm going to defend you here, a little bit at least.

Firstly, I really admire the fact you are determined not to cheat on her. Yes, no one should expect a pat on the back for obeying rule 101 of relationships - but let's be honest, we all know people who cheat every weekend on a night out and then snuggle up to their other half the next day as if nothing happened. Fidelity in 2019 is an increasingly rare thing.

You're obviously finding yourself increasingly tempted to stray and want to do the right thing, and that should be applauded.

I also understand that physical attraction is incredibly important in a relationship, and if physical intimacy ceases the relationship as a whole will eventually afterwards.

I think you're right when you say you aren't in love with - because if you were you wouldn't be contemplating this break up.

And it's not fair on her if she's invested in things for you not to feel the same. She deserves to be able to build a relationship with someone equally invested.

Tell her you don't feel the same way you used to, and that you think you should go your separate ways.

You obviously weren't happy with your body and did something to change, and well done for it. But don't project your insecurities on to your girlfriend - she could be perfectly happy the way she is.

You're not in love with her, that's the fundamental reason you're breaking up with her. Do the right thing, and do it soon so you can both move on with your lives.


On a small personal note, this will be the last Ask Brian column. Thanks for all your messages over the last three years and all your comments on Facebook. It's been great fun and the column has been more successful than I could have imagined.

We've compiled the top five most read Ask Brian columns of all time, which you can find here:

Ask Brian: Top five most read columns of all time 

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Twitter: @Brian_O_Reilly

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