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Ask an expert: Could making my lesbian fantasy real destroy my marriage?

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Cate Blanchett plays a married woman who falls in love with another woman in Carol

Cate Blanchett plays a married woman who falls in love with another woman in Carol

Cate Blanchett plays a married woman who falls in love with another woman in Carol

Each week, adult and specialist adolescent psychotherapist Belinda Kelly answers your queries.

Q. I’ve been married for five years to an older man who is sexually very experienced. When we have sex, we watch lesbian porn. Lately, I have started to wonder what it would be like to have sex with a woman. My husband is very keen to explore swingers’ clubs or to invite another woman to have sex with us, but I worry about it affecting our relationship. I worry I may be gay or that he may want other women instead of me. What if we get bored with having sex with each other?

A. Of course you have concerns about going outside the bounds of your relationship. Making the decision to invite other people into your most intimate sexual experience is huge. This is a big change for a couple and is not to be taken lightly. You say that your husband is ‘very keen’ to move in this direction, and I understand that you are curious about being sexual with another woman, but I don’t get a sense that you are as eager as he is to act on this desire. It’s really important that you are equally as invested in this decision. Otherwise, you could find yourself in a highly vulnerable situation, where it’s too late to turn back. You need to feel in control of your choices here.


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