A 51-year-old woman’s sex diary: ‘I spend the evening masturbating — not because I am especially horny but because I am stressed’

After keeping a record of her bedroom antics for a month, Amanda* shares what a month between the sheets looks like for her...

'Luckily, I have a partner who is really up for things whenever I suggest them'

February 11 2023 02:30 AM

Please note the article below contains details about sex that might not be suitable for some readers

Amanda* is a 51-year-old working mum of two living in Wicklow. She has been divorced for eight years and began using dating apps two years ago. She has been dating her boyfriend John* for just over a year

Week 1
It’s Wednesday, and after a busy few days at work, I have been counting down the days until John and I meet this evening. Owing to his own family commitments, we don’t get to see each other as often as we might like, so getting together always seems really special. Tonight, the sex is extra-intense. So much so that we nearly get going in the car on the way home from dinner! I have no problem having multiple orgasms.

Luckily, John and I click in every way, but the fact that we seem to be really sexually compatible was a huge surprise. When I divorced the kids’ father, I was mid-menopause and was fully convinced that my nights of swinging out of the ceiling were over. The first time John and I hooked up, I nearly cried after realising that, sex-wise, it wasn’t all over for me. In many ways, things were just beginning.

Brilliant evening, although John has to leave right afterwards as he has meetings at work all day tomorrow. Hopefully we’ll get a sleepover in together this weekend. But Saturday comes and there is no sleepover in the end. John has Covid. Fairly frustrated but I could use the sleep too.

Week 2
A quiet start to the week and I don’t see John until Thursday. We go out to the cinema and then back to his after. I decide that I want to take proper charge of things tonight. It is really fun — luckily, I have a partner who is really up for things whenever I suggest them.

John gets a kick out of it when we play around like that a bit. He isn’t allowed to initiate anything sexually — he just has to lie back and let me take charge. I think he might like to be dominated a bit sometimes, but not always. He definitely enjoys taking charge as well at times. I think that’s why what we have going on manages to stay so fresh, because we just naturally end up mixing things up. It doesn’t seem forced at all.

Week 3
On Tuesday, I mess around with some sexting with John during a Zoom meeting. His idea. He is at home all day so can afford to fully enjoy it. I can’t really get into it, with my whole department on the desktop.

We have date night on Friday. We go into town for drinks and then come back to mine. We just fit together so well — it’s like we can anticipate what each other is thinking or want in that moment. It’s very spontaneous and comfortable but extremely hot at the same time.

Video of the Day

It’s quite a strange experience for me. I feel like I can completely be at ease, let myself go, communicate anything that I want in that moment to him. I’ve never really been one to lie back and think of Ireland, but you would be surprised at how many partners are not necessarily all that receptive to someone wanting to be fully communicative about sex.

After we have sex, we just lie in silence in each other’s arms for a while, just melting into each other. Absolute heaven.

Week 4
I have a dreadful day at work on Monday. I come home really stressed after a run-in with a colleague. Kids are at their dad’s this week. John has already arranged to meet some friends and can’t get out of it. I spend the evening masturbating; not because I am especially horny but because I am stressed. I take a bath and have a couple of gins. Hopefully I’ll feel a lot better in the morning.

On Thursday, John comes over when I get home from work. We are so excited to see each other as it has been a while. Before even really catching up properly, we immediately start kissing each other really deeply. We don’t even make it out of the hallway before we are having sex.

We eventually stumble into the living room and onto the couch. He sits on the couch and I sit on his lap facing him — we are looking into each other’s eyes and it feels electric. We have sex three times — cannot keep our hands off each other. Every time we start talking, we just start kissing again.

I feel really happy afterwards, sort of a floating-on-air feeling. I just feel really connected to him, really physically compatible. After not having this connection with another man for the longest time, I am more determined than ever to enjoy this and see where it all takes us.

* Names have been changed