After keeping a record of her bedroom antics for a month, Ruth* shares what a month between the sheets looks like for her...
Please note the article below contains details about sex that might not be suitable for some readers
Ruth* is a 26-year-old living in Dublin. She had been on dating apps for seven years before meeting her boyfriend, Dylan*. They have been together for more than two years
My boyfriend and I are making food in the kitchen, but start kissing, abandon dinner, and take it to the bedroom. All is well until he suggests a little back-door action, but whatever the reason, it hurts, so we immediately call it quits — the sex, not our entire relationship.
Later, we get distracted cooking again, and take it back to his bedroom, where we both get off, almost opting for a round three, but we are already going to be late for our evening plans.
I wake up not feeling particularly frisky on Sunday but kissing escalates to my going down on him and a small butt plug being produced. I never, ever thought I’d be somebody who was okay with exploring that, but knowing that he enjoys it, and that it’s often quite taboo, makes it feel exciting. Not one to hog all of the excitement, my boyfriend then produces a toy solely for my benefit.
By Wednesday, I haven’t seen him in a few days, so when we met up in the evening, there’s one thing on my mind. Both eager to please, we don’t go to sleep until the two of us have gotten off. I’ve never been so sexually compatible with someone, nor so comfortable, and it shows.
I’ve been abroad for a few days, and on Saturday afternoon, I get a surprising screenshot of a purchase my partner spontaneously made on Lovehoney; obviously I’ve been on his mind as much as he’s been on mine.
The next day, though the toy haul is obviously still in transit, the excitement it elicited is in full force. I have been in a bit of a bad mood, which I think might mean we remain clothed and chaste, but one kiss from him and that thought dissipates. We have sex with the lights on and he tries out some new finger techniques he read about.
Later in the week, my boyfriend has a late work meeting that he is half paying attention to, so we end up having sex while the meeting drones on. Professional and/or ethical? Maybe not. Damn good fun? Absolutely.
We wake up on time for once, which means no major rush to hop out of bed and get to work for either of us, so we have sex, which is a fantastic way to kick off hump day, if you ask me.
On Thursday, I’m definitely not feeling like any funny business, but the following morning, I definitely am. DHL chooses a particularly inopportune moment to ring me for a delivery though, so any sexy plans are quickly pushed aside.
I wake up early and restless on Saturday. The answer? A trip to my bedside drawer. I start off using my imagination but transition to watching some porn.
Period sex is bound to make an appearance if I’m cataloguing my sexual activity over the course of a month. On Sunday, the sex is messy, but we laugh about it and take a shower afterwards.
I’m especially horny that evening, which I admit, so my boyfriend leads me to my room and pulls out a vibrating wand. We don’t even get undressed and I come twice. Getting off the bed and not going straight to sleep is almost impossible but I feel such a sense of release from something that has been building all day.
On Monday, he again asks me to take out a toy. I oblige with some off-hand comment about how it would be uncouth to deny a man. I then take it upon myself to go down on him.
The next day, the sex-toy order arrives! We don’t try out everything, but do give a new c**k ring a spin. It vibrates and is supposed to be shaped in a way that’s advantageous for us both. It is actually a bit cumbersome but I hope we’ll be able to crack it if we try again. We are both working from home on Wednesday morning, so time that would normally be put aside for commuting is spent having sex instead.
Saturday means date night, and me shaving my legs for once, so I’m feeling fun, frisky and frightfully smooth. Despite that, we have a really wholesome night, and while I do ask if he wants to have sex before we go to bed, he declines, so we nod off.
I notice I still have a lot of things to work through in terms of my feelings of rejection. If I initiate sex and my partner isn’t feeling it, I objectively know that’s completely fine, but part of me perceives it as him not wanting me.
But we certainly make up for a chaste night with a randy Sunday morning. We have sex twice and sign up for Tesco clubcards between rounds — no amount of horniness gets in the way of savings like that. I had mentioned to my partner that I quite like when he talks dirty, which he hasn’t in a while, so that makes a reappearance.
When I go home, I’m still reeling from the morning, so I pull out that clitoral stimulator and go to town (figuratively). I don’t feel the need to watch porn, since the morning’s activities are fresh in my mind.
Sleeping alone on a Tuesday evening, I’m exhausted and in bed fairly early. I decide to reach for a toy and find that, again, my memory is sufficient-enough entertainment.
My boyfriend and I have been at loggerheads a bit, so when we meet up on Wednesday for lunch, we work through that and some unexpected makeup sex is had.
Later that day, after dinner and too much midweek wine, we go to bed. It is apparent straight away that we aren’t going to sleep just yet, but it is very different to earlier. Gone is the burning, razor-sharp desire, replaced by an almost gentle anticipation.
* Names have been changed