Asking for a friend: ‘When I masturbate, I think about the dirtiest things, but sex with my husband is mundane and he won’t talk about it’
Q: I’ve been married to my husband for 12 years now and there’s a bit of a conflict between what I think about sex when I’m on my own, and the kind of sex I have with him. It’s a world apart, and it’s making me frustrated with how our sex life is going. When I masturbate, I think about the dirtiest things — and I mean dirty — to get me off. I’m happy with this as I feel satisfied. But when it comes to having sex with my husband, I find that quite often I think about different things. Mundane things like bills, the kids, or what are we having for dinner tomorrow — I can think of anything but not what I should be enjoying at that moment. I can’t focus on the moment. My husband won’t listen to anything I say about sex and it’s almost perfunctory. I feel like it’s like going through the motions, like mowing the lawn. Can you help, please? I don’t know how to approach this, and what impact this will end up having on my relationship.