Q: I met a wonderful guy a month ago on a night out, and we clicked so much. It feels really good to spend time with him. We have a great time together in bed and it feels like there’s a real spark there. The problem is, he’s moving abroad next month. It’s for a job that he really wanted, so I can’t see him returning to Ireland any time soon. I don’t want to move as I love my job here and feel quite settled. I’m really not sure about a long-distance relationship as I’ve only heard negative stories about how stressful it is. I can sense that I am catching feelings and I don’t want to get hurt. I’m starting to get anxious about this, and even writing this makes me stressed. It’s been a fun fling, but is that all it is if he is moving? Do I end things when he moves to save future heartbreak, or will I give it a shot? I don’t even know how to say this to him.
Back in late 2018, I was engaged to be married when I went on a dating app and started chatting with a woman who was in a similar situation to mine, although she wanted to leave what was a toxic relationship.
Even for June, this Saturday morning is unseasonably warm, but that hasn’t stopped more than 500 women — including myself — joining Jenny Keane’s online orgasm workshop. Though the majority of us are Irish, there are many others logging in from across the globe — New Zealand, Peru, Sydney, Germany, the UAE — eager to hear what wisdom Keane can impart on having orgasms, or possibly, having better, or different, orgasms. We join the almost 9,000 women who have benefited from Keane’s workshops, both online and in-studio. A professionally trained, trauma-informed tantra yoga teacher, Keane focuses on a more holistic approach to self-pleasure. But how does an online orgasm workshop even work? For a start, male partners/lovers are politely told to not attend, as this will be a safe space for women to explore themselves.
Q: I broke up with my last partner almost a year ago. It was a friendly break-up so there were no bitter arguments or fights over belongings. He initiated it and I didn’t want to, but I agreed to break up as he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I’m not going to lie, I was devastated and couldn’t believe it. He seemed OK and I didn’t think there was anything really wrong with our relationship. We were stressed and did fight a bit, but that seemed normal during the stresses of lockdown and life. We were together for two years, and we didn’t chat much about the future, but I had hoped that this would be the one that worked out. I haven’t met anyone else since, but I heard through friends that he had started a new relationship last month. This brought up lots of feelings — I feel really upset and think about him a lot. Part of me wants to reach out to him to see if there is any chance for us, but the other part of me needs to accept it is over. I don’t know how to move on and get over him — how do I do this?
I am a married man in my late 30s married to a great mother of our kids, but in the last few years our relationship has lost its spark. Our sex life is almost non-existent and even the simplest of things, like asking for a kiss or a cuddle at night, leads to an argument. I can’t understand why. I’ve asked my wife if there is something wrong and she says no, it’s not all about sex. I’m very loyal to my wife and kids.
Q: My wife and I can’t stop arguing at the moment. It’s every little thing and it feels like we are also snapping at each other constantly. I can do nothing right and everything she does seems to annoy me. Part of me feels that I’m sick to my back teeth of living like this and I just feel done. I’m so tempted to go to a lawyer to see about a divorce, but I just can’t make a firm decision. Most of the time, I don’t want to be near her, and I’ve started running in order to get time away from her and the constant fighting. Another part of me wonders if I’m just bored and maybe an affair might relieve some of my tension and might save my marriage. We don’t have any kids yet so I don’t feel it would be too late for either of us to start over if that’s what we decided. We’ve been married for five years, and it wasn’t always like this, but now I don’t even know if I want to try to get back to where we used to be in the early days of our marriage. Is this the end for us?
I was married for over 20 years to a good man. He was a great provider and a hard worker but he was also a real hard man in every way. He never showed any appreciation for everything I did — running our home, farming and rearing our children and also keeping a job. He never paid a compliment or told me he loved me.
Q: My partner of four years cheated on me during lockdown. I was devastated as I had no idea she was thinking of cheating, and she won’t tell me why she did it. I know it was a couple of times with the same person, but I don’t know how many. She won’t speak about it and just says it was a “short thing that didn’t mean anything”, and therefore doesn’t want to go into details. I need to know, but I’m not sure what difference it would make if I did know how many times it happened. She swears there wasn’t anyone else and she doesn’t want to leave me, but surely she must have been unhappy if she went with someone else. I don’t know what to feel, or if I want to stay or leave. I did see our relationship as a long-term one, and was happy before I found this out. I haven’t told anyone as I know they will just tell me to leave her, but I just can’t decide what I want to do. I still love her, but am I being stupid in not leaving?
Q: I feel constantly paranoid that my partner is going to cheat on me. I’m not sure that they are currently cheating, or have cheated in the past, but I can’t shake this feeling that they are going to cheat. I’ve been cheated on in the past, but I would never cheat myself as I think it’s a horrible thing to do to people. My partner keeps reassuring me that they would never cheat, but I just can’t seem to let go and really believe them. What if they cheat and I have to go through all that hurt again? I hate breakups and feel embarrassed telling my friends about them and the reasons for it. This is a new relationship, but I feel so anxious that it will end the same way as all the others. I’m so tired of feeling like this and I know it’s not good, but I can’t seem to break out of it. I feel stuck, how do I get out of my head and stop feeling like this?
In August last year, my partner of four years told me he was using sex workers during his working hours. I was shocked, betrayed, and really hurt deep down. I couldn’t sleep or eat for days. He told me it was a “release” and a spur of the moment thing as he would be driving during the day. He believed it was an addiction and that it was not cheating as he had no feelings for these women.
Q: I really fancy my partner. He’s so hot, incredibly attractive, and I can barely keep my hands off him. The sex is fantastic; we both have a good time and its very adventurous. It’s probably the best sex I’ve ever had. None of that is an issue, but outside the bedroom, things aren’t as great. He doesn’t seem to be interested in me as a person and he won’t ever talk about any kind of a future together. We basically just have sex and that’s the real extent of our relationship. I have feelings for him, but I don’t think he does for me, and he just changes the subject when anything serious, like feelings, comes up. He doesn’t want to hang out apart from having sex. What can I do to get him to open up, or to see if he really wants a relationship? It stresses me out; I just want to know what’s going on. It feels like I have to force him to have this conversation and that doesn’t feel right, but I’m so upset about not knowing where I stand.
I am a married woman with two kids and have a typically loving and happy household. I met another man a few months ago and we saw each other a few times for overnight stays. Each time was a night filled with so much passion, great sex, laughter and great chemistry.
Q: I just can’t get out of my head when I’m having sex. I find it hard to let go and focus on the moment, and this has impacted past relationships. I’m in a new relationship now and I’m getting annoyed at myself as this is still continuing. My brain just won’t shut off and I think about a whole lot of different things, like how my day is, things to do, or random things. The sex with my new partner is really good otherwise and they are a really nice person, so it’s not them. I do want to have sex with them and enjoy the experience, and I see this relationship as something special. It feels like a block or something and I’m not sure how to move past this. I don’t want my partner to think it is them either as it’s really not. What can I do to move past this and really be in the moment?
It was a throwback like no other when rumours emerged that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have rekindled a romance that many thought was long gone. Nearly two decades after their broken engagement, the two are reportedly enjoying a second chance at love. According to an insider, Affleck (48) reached out to check on Lopez (51) as a friend after her split from ex-fiancé Alex Rodriguez in April. It had been the first time in years that the two were both single.
I have known for a long time that my husband has a panties fetish, but he has never been open to me about it. Now that all our children have left home, he has been dropping hints about including it in our sex life.
Q: I used to love sex, but lately I’ve found that I have no sex drive at all. Like, zero. I don’t even want to masturbate, and I really don’t want to have sex with my partner. They’re getting frustrated; they aren’t pushing me for sex, but I can just tell. I just can’t get myself in the mood. It frustrates me as I used to love my sex life with my partner, and it was quite adventurous. I worry that this will become permanent, and I will lose my partner. It feels like they want sex and I’m the one that’s always turning them away. I’ve also gained weight during lockdown and I can’t fit into any of my sexy clothes, so this makes me feel really bad too. Everything else about the relationship is great and I still find them sexy, but I feel like my sex life is at a standstill. How do I get my spark back and regain the sense of closeness and intimacy we had before?
Fifteen months mostly spent in lockdown have forced many of us to take stock and assess what we really want from life — and for some, finding love is top of the agenda as the country begins to reopen.
Top marks to the 70-year-old lady who contacted you some weeks ago about keeping her sex life alive. I am in my early 70s and my wife is a couple of years younger. We are both fit and healthy. We are married for over 40 years with three adult children and a couple of beautiful grandchildren.
My husband had a one-night stand with another man when he was young and single. It happened way before he met me. This man is now married to the brother of one of my best friends, and she was the one who said it to me — she just presumed I knew.
Q: In the past, I have experienced sexual violence. I am in my early 20s and I feel that it has, at times, left me feeling raw, distanced from my body and the sense of feeling unsafe in intimate settings. How can I stop the shock and hurt of such aggressive experiences from damaging my self-confidence? I’m not sure how to recover from feeling like a victim and I’m afraid of getting hurt again or putting myself in situations where I may be hurt. I struggle with relearning how to get myself to open up again to new people, and don’t know how to feel comfortable in the vulnerability of sex. How do I navigate all of this, as it’s hard to process it all? I am at the stage of healing where I feel that I am open to going to workshops and learning, but is there anything else that I can do to help this process? I want to embrace sex, but I don’t want to be held back by my previous experiences.
Q: I’ve been married to my husband for 12 years now and there’s a bit of a conflict between what I think about sex when I’m on my own, and the kind of sex I have with him. It’s a world apart, and it’s making me frustrated with how our sex life is going. When I masturbate, I think about the dirtiest things — and I mean dirty — to get me off. I’m happy with this as I feel satisfied. But when it comes to having sex with my husband, I find that quite often I think about different things. Mundane things like bills, the kids, or what are we having for dinner tomorrow — I can think of anything but not what I should be enjoying at that moment. I can’t focus on the moment. My husband won’t listen to anything I say about sex and it’s almost perfunctory. I feel like it’s like going through the motions, like mowing the lawn. Can you help, please? I don’t know how to approach this, and what impact this will end up having on my relationship.
I was, up until a few months ago, very happily married to my best friend, a wonderful father, lover and provider. We’ve been married over 20 years. Sex slowed down during the pandemic with two adult kids at home all day but I didn’t really think too much of it and we worked our way through the last year without much hassle.
Q: It seems like everyone is having sex at my age — I’m 20 — but when you’re not into that, it can be really hard to deal with. I have seen a lot of stuff on TikTok about women who haven’t yet had sex and are in their early to mid-twenties and beyond. I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything like that. At the moment with lockdown and the pandemic in general it is quite lonely; something some of my friends have felt too. It can be hard to see people you know posting pictures with their significant others etc. I’m not a fan of online dating at the moment, because you can’t physically meet anyone and I think people just go on them for boredom’s sake.
I have been in an extramarital relationship for almost five years. Initially this was to relieve pressure on a sexless marriage. My wife and I have only had sex a handful of times in the past decade. I have strayed from time to time over the years but this is completely different and I think it is fair to say we both feel deeply in love with one another.
Q: I broke up with my partner of two years during the summer last year. Normally how I handle a break up is to get over one man by getting under another one, but this hasn’t happened due to Covid so I feel like my usual tactic isn’t working. I am nervous about dating again, and I’m not sure what kind of relationship I even want. I know I want something rather than being single all the time as I’m bored of it, and I feel ready to date but at the same time, I’m worried about what post-lockdown dating will look like. I haven’t socialised in almost a year, and the apps just aren’t the same as flirting in person. How do I prepare for a re-entry to the world of dating when I’m so out of practice, and how do I know that I’m even ready for dating?
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