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Sex & Relationships

January 2021

The menopause can be seen as something positive, and, in some ways, a new beginning

Dear Mary: Sex is too painful since menopause - will I never enjoy it again?

I don't know where to turn with this one. Since hitting menopause three years ago, I've hardly had sex with my husband. I have a good marriage and I love him, but sex became painful to the point that we stopped having it altogether over 18 months ago. It has changed things between us, and I feel like I'm no longer the person I once was. He is being patient, but I don't know how long he can be patient for. I have no answers - do I resign myself to never having sex again?

December 2020

Psychologist Allison Keating

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Ask Allison: ‘After 10 years as a stay-at-home mum, my confidence is gone – how do I get it back?’

Question: I want to go back to work in 2021 and I don’t know where to start. I have been out of the workplace for 10 years minding my children. I am relatively unskilled — I used to work in publishing in a production role that doesn’t exist now, so I don’t even know what I could do. Also, to make it feasible I would need to cover after-school care and holiday care for my three kids. How do I go about starting to see what my options are? To be honest, my confidence is quite low, so that would be a good place to start.
Psychologist Allison Keating

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Ask Allison: ‘I’m worried Christmas will reignite issues around my husband’s drinking. We were so happy on our own!’

Q I am dreading Christmas as I think it will reignite a lot of issues between myself and my husband - namely his excessive drinking. We have been very happy during lockdown with our own company and I just know that now things have opened up a bit with the restaurants and pubs, that is going to end. Also I am looking forward to seeing my family and elderly relatives and I want to be as safe as possible prior to visiting them, but his family want to all meet up together at the same time — whether or not the regulations allow. How do I get him to see my side of things?

November 2020

The siblings are struggling emotionally and financially

Dear Mary: Our father has let us down after the death of our mother

Q My mum passed away a few years ago after a long battle with cancer. She was our main parent. Eighteen months after she died, our father sold our house. He never gave us a penny, not even for education. He rented a house close by so that my younger sibling could finish school. As soon as she finished, he ceased his lease. He then bought a house closer to his girlfriend and assured us that it was an asset to protect us in the future. He rang me last week to inform me he has sold the house and is planning to put the money into his girlfriend's house as he needs 'to move on with his life'. I am happy for him to move on but we are left behind.

October 2020

September 2020

August 2020

'We had a number of telephone and Facetime conversations where we discussed breaking up and both of us were very upset'

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Dear Mary: I am heartbroken after agreeing to end my long-distance romance

I was in a relationship with a man for two and a half years after meeting by chance on a night out in Dublin. He was visiting for the weekend and flew back to his home country afterwards. We started a long-distance relationship with each of us taking turns to fly to the other every month. About one and a half years into the relationship, he received a great job offer in France (different to his home country). I strongly encouraged him to accept the job. He then asked me to move with him once he had settled in.

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