Who is a style queen and who should be taken away by the fashion police this week?
In a word --wow! Now we admit that we have a soft spot for Ms Alba.
We may not be able to recall many of her films, apart from the aptly named Sin City, but any celebrity who admits that losing her pregnancy weight was a bitch and that she needed to wear a girdle afterwards gets the thumbs up from us.
And this is a woman, after all, who always dresses to impress, and has yet to be spotted slobbing out despite the ever-vigilant paparazzi.
The actress sparkles in this killer gun-metal Gucci number, teamed with fabulous bronze-coloured peep-toe heels, which strikes the perfect balance between theatrical and dramatic.
A dress like this requires dramatic make-up and a seriously toned bod, and Jessica doesn't disappoint on either count.
Okay, listen to us, and don't panic! We have no idea who she is either. Really. And normally we wouldn't waste a single second of our very precious time on such an obviously desperate wannabe, but we were a bit intrigued.
After all, she is at the British Comedy Awards so maybe her outfit is an in-joke. We quite appreciate that kind of cleverness, actually. And really could there be any other explanation for such a horrendous get-up?!
Yes, the bright colour pays homage to the current trend for all things '80s, but that dress is the epitome of tackiness and just look at those shoes!!
Talk about bargain basement. Now that's never funny.
Then after extensive research (thanks Google!), we discovered that Amy Childs is actually a 'star' -- if you watch a reality show called The Only Way is Essex, that is.
Hmm, we think that the joke's definitely on her. Still she managed to get into the paper, so we suppose that's mission accomplished.