Sunday 18 February 2018

The on/off couples who have managed to move on...

Nicole Scherzinger and Lewis Hamilton say they have split for good. Is the era of stormy celebrity romance finally over, asks Gillian Fitzpatrick

Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger
Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger
Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson
J Lo and Casper Smart

There was a time was when just about every A-lister was engaging in a spot of on/off love. But when even the most stormy unions are - at last! - being extinguished, you know the era of tumultuous celebrity romance is officially done: no more Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber; Chris Brown and Rihanna don't speak - and now even Nicole Scherzinger and Lewis Hamilton, a couple most preoccupied with breaking up and making up, have parted ways permanently.

Beth Fitzpatrick, a leading therapist based at Access Counselling in Crumlin explains that couples end up back in each other's arms too quickly if they don't allow themselves to first grieve.

"You don't just wake up one day and get over a relationship." She adds: "But just because you're sitting at home crying doesn't mean that you should jump straight back into their arms. Time and reflection is needed before you can make rational decisions about the future."

So here, we detail the shaky celebrity pairings that have recently been stubbed out for good...

Who: Singer Nicole Scherzinger (36) and Lewis Hamilton (30), the Formula 1 driver.

Status: This week it was announced that the couple have split - again. This is their fourth break-up over the course of their seven-year relationship.

History: they split twice in 2010, for a third time in the summer of 2013, and then again this week.

Now: Nicole and Lewis are adamant that there's no going back this time.

Quote: "I wouldn't wish long-distance on anyone," she said frankly in 2012.

Who: Singers Justin Bieber (20) and Selena Gomez (22).

Status: The celebrity duo has weathered some seriously turbulent times but now they truly appear to be properly "off".

History: It was epic. They spent four years together in some shape or form. Their first break up came as far back as 2012; their final one took place in October.

Now: Selena is happily spending time with DJ and producer Zedd. Justin is doing the same with model Hailey Baldwin, though they deny a romance.

Quote: Selena said of Justin in November: "I support him. I think I always will."

Who: Twilight saga co-stars Kristen Stewart (24) and Robert Pattinson (28).

Status: It's definitely off - though they've managed to maintain a friendship in the aftermath.

History: They met in 2008 on the Twilight set and began dating shortly afterwards. In 2012 she famously cheated on him with married director Rupert Sanders. It was thought that the actors initially split before giving their relationship another go. Ultimately, however, Rob confirmed last year that he and Kristen had separated permanently.

Now: Rob is loved-up with singer-songwriter FKA Twigs; Kristen is single.

Quote: "The hardest part was talking about it afterwards," he said last year of her infidelity.

Who: Actress Sofia Vergara (42) and Nick Loeb (39) a businessman.

Status: They split for a second time last May and this time it's definite: she's now engaged to someone else.

History: The couple first broke up in 2012 after two years of dating, but were engaged months later after he proposed at her 40th birthday bash. Sadly last summer, they announced they'd parted once again.

Now: Sofia has found love with True Blood star Joe Manganiello (38). Despite only dating for six months, they became engaged on Christmas Day.

Quote: "She's focused on her career," Nick said in October. "The most important thing for me is to get married and have kids."

Who: Singers Chris Brown (25) and Rihanna (26).

Status: Off - in fact, the high-profile pair are no longer even on speaking terms.

History: The most controversial couple of recent times. They began dating in 2008, but in 2009 he was convicted of assaulting Rihanna. Still, they were back together by 2012, before splitting again in May 2013.

Now: Rumours are abound that Leonardo DiCaprio and Rihanna are Hollywood's next power-couple. Chris is supposedly still making up and breaking up with model Karrueche Tran.

Quote: "He's not the monster everybody thinks. He's a good person," she said two years ago.

Who: Actress and singer Jennifer Lopez (45) and 27-year-old Casper Smart, a choreographer.

Status: There's been plenty of "are they, aren't they?" rumour, but Jennifer stated last month that she's definitely "single right now".

History: They began dating in 2011 and took time-out from their relationship in 2013 before patching up their differences. Then last summer he moved his belongings out of her house permanently.

Now: The couple supposedly rang in the New Year together in Las Vegas; in October they had dinner - but Jennifer is adamant there's no going back. "I think being on my own has been really great for me," she said recently.

Quote: "It's a sweet relationship," Jennifer said of their pairing in 2013.

 

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE GOING BACK FOR SECONDS

Beth Fitzpatrick runs Access Counselling in Crumlin, Dublin. As well as being married for 44 years, she also has more than 15 years of experience in her field. Here, she details what a couple needs to consider before rushing back into each other's arms.

Go get professional help before going back to an ex. You need to address the reasons for the break-up in the first place. Knowing the behaviour patterns that led to marital strife in the first place will help both parties avoid those pitfalls again - and that in turn will be of huge benefit to the whole family, especially any children involved. And counselling is a lot cheaper than divorce.

Consciously make an effort to improve channels of communication prior to reuniting. Learn how to listen to one another and make that the norm. Talking honestly is the best thing any couple can do to improve their relationship. And shouting at each other rarely leads to anything of value.

It's easy to start a "he-said-she-said" game. But if you want to successfully reignite an old relationship on the right foot it's important that you both take responsibility. It's likely in some capacity that each party in their own way has allowed for bad habits to creep in over time.

The exception to this rule is an affair or addiction: if your husband or wife has been unfaithful, or if they're struggling with addiction, you are not to blame in any capacity and acknowledging that is in itself an important step towards healing.

Irish Independent

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