Saturday 7 December 2019

Friends of the Earth

As Elaine Byrne visits a nation threatened by global warming, Pat Fitzpatrick takes a look at some famous environmental activists.

Cameron Diaz
Cameron Diaz
Daryl Hannah
Leonardo DiCaprio
George Clooney
Jarvis Cocker

Pat Fitzpatrick

Cameron Diaz: In 2009, this actress made a documentary called Cameron Diaz Saves the World. We would have called it Still No Cure For Hollywood Megalomania. You can imagine what happens in it.

Cameron causes a stir as she walks down the street in slow motion, wearing a pair of short-shorts. She meets Owen Wilson, who is due to marry an attractive but bitchy Anne Hathaway. Things go badly, then great, then badly, and then Cameron marries Owen. Rom-coms. Very unpredictable.

Daryl Hannah

Fair play to Daryl for establishing herself as a leading spokesperson on environmental issues. It's hard to take someone seriously when you still picture them as a mermaid. She was incredible in Splash, particularly the way she managed to hide her boobs with her hair.

Daryl was arrested during an environmental protest outside the White House in 2011. She didn't go to jail. Surrounded by all dem gangstas? She would have been like a fish out of water. Sorry.

George Clooney

George has a foundation to highlight reliance on fossil fuels called Oil Change. If that doesn't bring to mind an image of an oil-smeared George leaning over the bonnet of your car in a pair of loose-fitting dungarees, then our guess is you are a straight man. We should point out that George isn't everybody's cup of tea. In fact some women say George is really just a salesman for Nespresso. Others say grand, as long as he goes door to door. Sexy.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Does a lot of environmental work through his Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation. When you hear Hollywood celebs talking up a foundation, it's usually part of their new make-up range. He recently addressed the UN on the dangers of global warming. The main danger for Ireland is they manage to put a stop to it. Then our summers will go back to normal and we'll all fly to the Med in big dirty jets. Take that, you polar bears

Jarvis Cocker

Did a lot of work to promote The People's Climate March. This popular event was designed to send a simple message to world leaders - hipsters will always do what they are told by Jarvis Cocker. We're not sure if he himself marched. Or just minced along with his hands in the air saying, "I'm actually quite working class," in a flat Sheffield accent. The establishment issued a short statement in response to the march: "We couldn't give a frack."

Sunday Independent

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