Writer and critic AA Gill is still waiting for his brother Nick, an award-winning chef who disappeared long ago, to contact him, he has said.
In a memoir which includes descriptions of his own alcoholic past Adrian Gill writes: "When I go to a new city, I search the streets for him."
Nick vanished "years ago" says Gill in an extract from Pour Me: A Life, in today's Sunday Times magazine. It has been reported in the past as having been in 1998.
He writes: "I don't often talk about Nick, my younger brother. I don't ever talk about Nick. I don't know what to say. I avoid saying his name out loud. Nick disappeared, vanished, years ago. I don't know how many years ago now, but I'm waiting for a call, a knock. When I go to a new city, I search the streets for him. I look at things and stuff and views, but I'm also looking for him. Would I still recognise him? He'd be 58 now."
The last time Nick came to see him, he had been having a "furrowed" time of it. Gill gave him £70 and a tweed shooting coat he had just bought.
"He got to the door and said: 'I'm going away now. France maybe. But I'm not coming back.'"
Since then there has not been a hint or a trace of him, leaving Gill sad - and angry with him.
"My father dying without ever knowing what happened to his son. Our mother. His kids. But there is also a voice that whispers: everyone has a right to chuck in the hand they've been dealt and get a new one if it becomes undendurable, unbearable."
Gill's book, to be published next month, tells of the time he spent as an alcoholic in London in the late 1970s and early 1980s. He had his last drink at the age of 30 in 1984 on the train to a detox clinic.