'Anyone know if/where you can buy a fiddle leaf fig in Ireland?"
So read one of the tweets that popped up in the last month, as those in lockdown seek any opportunity to bring the longed-for outdoors in. Monsteras, alocasias, banana trees - these are the houseplant equivalents of an It bag, and they're more in demand than ever.
With everyone confined to their homes, the quarantine has ushered in a new wave of status symbols.
Before the shutdown, fashionistas may have been gearing up to parade their spring-summer acquisitions: a pair of Bottega Veneta pumps, a tiered Cecilie Bahnsen dress or perhaps Loewe's leather-encased raffia bag. Now, with nowhere to go, and little need to wear anything other than leggings and slippers, the style set are reframing their status symbols for the age of coronavirus.
It's a tricky time for those with exhibitionist tendencies. Where we may once have flippantly deemed a slouchy clutch or bedazzled headband a 'must-have', the pandemic has restored that term to its literal origins. But the need to flaunt one's taste level is strong, which means dedicated followers of fashion will adapt to any situation.
The Covid-19 crisis is no exception - it has merely prompted a recalibration of stylish status symbols. Here, we chart the trending objects that have emerged as lockdown luxuries.
Flickering softly in the background of a grainy Zoom call or artfully posed in an Instagram post, these aren't your ordinary Yankee Candles. Rosie Huntington Whiteley favours Byredo's Safran (which sells for €62), Poppy Delevingne prefers Jo Malone, and the Man Repeller's Leandra Medine is such a fan of Le Labo's Santal 26 that she has two on the go at once (at a cost of €58 each). But king of them all is Diptyque, the status candle.
The French favourite has popped up in the homes of everyone from Holly Willoughby to Tracee Ellis Ross, while Justin Theroux had one centre-stage for a candlelit dinner with his dog (quarantine does strange things to people). Priced at €75, some may feel you'd be as well off setting fire to a wad of cash, but when you're shut inside, the woody scent of Feu de Bois is the next best thing to a real camp fire. Total - albeit pricey - escapism.
The most covetable shoe of the moment is not a barely-there sandal or kitten-heel boot: it's a pair of slippers. Derry designer JW Anderson's unisex felt loafer mules are the stars of the quarantine wardrobe, with prints based on a countryside sunset and a seaside sunrise.
The sold-out €450 slippers have been hailed as "the cult shoe of lockdown" by Vogue, and are a popular choice on @wfhfits, the Instagram account chronicling work-from-home looks. But they're not the only footwear hit of the coronavirus era: Birkenstock's shearling-lined sandals have been a runaway success, spotted on Kaia Gerber, Michelle Pfeiffer and Millie Mackintosh. There's life in the 'ugly' trend yet - who needs pretty shoes right now?
The rainbow bookshelf
Scouring a celebrity's shelves has become one of our top pastimes in quarantine, and book snobs reserve their harshest judgements not for a Fifty Shades Of Grey or a row of Penguin Classics with unbroken spines, but for the colour-coordinated bookshelf - the hallmark of a literary poseur.
Which was why book lovers gasped when JK Rowling unveiled the fruit of her lockdown activity: a vast home library arranged by colour. So what if it's style over substance? That kind of showiness is what status symbols are all about.
The light relief
Homemade masks are having a moment - it's somewhat comforting to know even a pouting Kendall Jenner can't make a DIY avocado mask sexy - but LED light therapy devices offer top bragging rights. The Storm Trooper-like masks were all over social media five years ago; now they're back and creepier than ever, as seen on Chrissy Teigen in a recent Instagram Story. The robotic masks, with their ominous red lights, are designed to help boost collagen, but they also function as a useful prop: Suki Waterhouse styled her CurrentBody mask with a vape and a script, while January Jones wore her Déesse Pro mask while dancing and drinking a Coors Light.
In a different time, It girls had their photos taken at all the hottest parties. Today, the It girl takes photos of herself at home with a vape, a beer and a €1,850 face mask.
The gallery wall
While TV host Jimmy Kimmel has been lampooned online for his art prints, the fashion set is more savvy: Bella Hadid posed in front of a trio of framed portraits of Audrey Hepburn, but Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford pulled a major flex with their backdrops on Naomi's YouTube series No Filter. Their interview revealed that both supermodels have decorated every inch of their walls with pictures of themselves - well, if we had originals by Herb Ritts and Helmut Newton lying around, we'd do the same.
The kitchen kit
The shutdown has driven many of us to the kitchen. And fans of The Great British Bake Off will know the €590 KitchenAid stand mixer is the ultimate baking accessory. Reese Witherspoon's is classic cream, Holly Willoughby's got a copper version to match her kitchen utensils, while Glossier founder Emily Weiss showed hers off alongside her homemade loaf. Never mind that they can afford the very best artisanal baked goods, they want to let us know they're star bakers too - and they have the gadgets to prove it.
Forget red carpet gowns - the most photographed gown of the moment is the dressing gown, preferably Tekla's cult terry bathrobes. The Danish brand is beloved for its organic cotton towels, virgin wool blankets and cotton percale bedding (all isolation status symbols in their own right), but its unisex robes are the only ones to be seen in, favoured by Harry Styles and Alexa Chung. Soft, oversized and available in a chic palette of muted pastels and neutrals, they allow the wearer to feel like a slob while looking like a fashion plate - all for a cool €179.
The power plants
Fashionable foliage has reached its peak in lockdown. Darren Kennedy has been flaunting his monstera, while elsewhere, the fiddle leaf fig reigns supreme, peeking out behind the couches in selfies from the likes of Angela Scanlon and Tracee Ellis Ross. But perhaps the top status symbol is one you can't get by express post: a garden. In confinement, the promise of your own private patch, with no one else around to social distance from, is the one thing guaranteed to make just about anyone green with envy.